Photos of only you
by J-crusader
Summary: Natsuki,a photographer, realises that a certain Kyoto girl had made her step in and out of line and sometimes she wonders why she went through all of it. AU
1. photos of only you

**A/N**: This story is set in modern metropolitan Japan, all the places mentioned are real places in Japan. If anything mentioned in the story has occured in real life, than it is purely out of coincidence.

* * *

I'll cut the shit load of bull; I like my life story short and sweet.

Even though it's one hell of a rollercoaster ride.

My name is Kuga Natsuki.

'Ku' as in nine, 'Ga' for obstinacy and 'Natsuki', which simply means 'summer child', but I can't recall myself being a child of the summer, since my birthday is on the 15th of August. That, unfortunately, apparently falls on the date when autumn usually starts. So it's goodbye summer and hello autumn, I should really change my name to fit my birthday so. However, it would make my parents down…they loved the summer.

I was born in the Miyagi prefecture in a town called Matsushima in the Miyagi District. My town lies just off Sendai Bay, however I didn't spend much time in my home town as my family moved to Mitaka city, Tokyo. We had to move for my mother had important work with a company called the 'First District'. My father, for the hell that I went through when I was only a toddler, ran away with his mistress. Never-mind that, I have his address, maybe I'll drop by for a friendly visit, indeed. No, he wouldn't be surprised to see how I have become; almost the whole of Japan knows who Kuga Natsuki is.

I am, after all, a photographer.

I'm a freelance photographer to be exact, now age 24, and a major in photography.

How about I start with what I did before?

-

I went to the Tokyo National University of Fine Arts and Music, and after I graduated, I hit the streets with my camera. I use the Canon single digit series, even though my favourite photographer, Iwago Mitsuaki, uses Olympus. He takes great shots with his and I take as great ones with mine. He's far better, in the aspect that he can travel to so many places in the world whereas my bottom is stuck to soul-old Japan. However all in all, I know that both of us get what we want in those cameras that we use. I'll tell you the secret…it's all in the lens.

My first award I had won in photography was Best picture for some unknown competition in Tokyo. Then I moved to my second, which was the Higashikawa Prize in the New Photographer Category. My third was the Photo City Sagamihara award held in the nearby Kanagawa prefecture in Sagamihara city. My most recent one was the Kimura Ihei Award. That propelled me into limelight as this award is given out by the Asahi Newspaper Company; it's always a main attraction for the mass media and book-buyers. Unfortunately, that was too the time when my mother was viciously killed. As I was famously chased around by different agencies in and out of the newspapers and tabloids, my mother was too as seriously reported as a victim of gruesome murder. The newspaper had as much information about her death as it had about me; it was then driving me crazy.

Instead of me, the photographer, taking photos, I was being taken. I was questioned up, down, left, right and centre about my mother's death. Everyone: reporters, the paparazzi, the agencies I took interest in, the bartender, the local bus driver, the people on the street and I even think I could hear my dead grandfather asking me about it. I thought everywhere I turned to would only bring more bad vibes than the last, however, an agency I scampered to for an interview brought peace to me.

The Kanzaki Corporation agreed to my terms as I had to theirs. I am to them a photographer that would be allowed to choose whatever project I wanted to do, that still makes me a freelance photographer in a way; I ,still can do and take anything I want to. However, my name would come under theirs if I would to publish anything, which meant my photos would only be published in books and magazines under the Kanzaki Publishing Company. That was my contract. They didn't bring up anything on my dead mother who was still being circulated in the newspaper like an object. I appreciated that, they left me alone as I had always wanted it to be.

I hated crowds, as much as I didn't want to be on Newspaper.

Kanzaki Corporation is the big brother; I belonged to one of the small agencies. Yet I found out that the one I had landed in was actually run by the son of the Kanzaki Corporation, Kanzaki Reito.

He's a well off man that runs everything in a manner that I don't really mind. He's on the spot, accurate and precise. He doesn't fail to forget and to let others down. He's charismatic and charming, that explains why so many female employees swoon over him in the office. Most of all, he has a personality that earns respect from everyone, and that includes me. He can be strict at times, but everyone under him knows that the only way the company can reach the top. I babbling again, this is suppose to be about me.

Through this, I met Tokiha Mai, in a photo shoot that I requested out of pure boredom.

I wanted to hit the streets again and take scenic pictures of the tall buildings of metropolitan Tokyo. However I realised that it was bad idea of even stepping out of the Kanzaki Building as I was swarmed by reporters and the paparazzi that I unknowingly noticed had stationed themselves nearby. I barely made it back alive; I almost had my favourite coat torn because of it. With all that mess going on, I had nothing to do. I tried taking shots in the office, only to be chased out of every floor or be scolded by the staff for disturbing them in their work.

As seconds ticked by, I couldn't help but let myself groan so loudly. My hands had the tingling sensation to take shots, while my ears had the want to hear the shutter snap and I badly wanted to see time stop. That, I stormed up to Reito's office to request for a photo shoot to be set up to kill that boredom I had creeping up my body. I stormed in during a meeting, but he didn't scold me, all he did was smile and press a button on his receiver and say,

'Please get Tokiha-san to come by.'

I was thrown out after that and was told not long after that by a staff to bring the equipment I needed for a photo shoot. I was surprised that everything worked extremely fast as when I went to get my camera; another staff came by to say that studio 9 was prepared and ready to be used. When I entered studio 9, with much time wasted just trying to find it, my eyes met with everything that a professional photographer would have for a best photo shoot. It was all set up and ready…for me.

I, then only a twenty-two year old female new photographer, dressed like she had no money to buy new trousers and a shirt, was given a studio that all photographers would die to have. I almost fainted out of happiness, but I didn't… I am not like those cheesy girls that die out of happiness. I was greeted warmly by the supporting crew that had set up all the lighting equipment and the background screens for me. I introduced myself to them and I found out that they respected me a lot. It looks like my pictures have done some effect on them as well.

As I was choosing my lens, the make-up artist came by to introduce herself. She goes by the name of Higurashi Akane. I found out later that her boyfriend was Karauchi Kazuya who worked in the supporting crew that I usually worked with. She told me briefly who everyone was waiting for, however I was more intrigued in the studio than what she was saying until I was snapped out of my reverie when the door of the studio was slammed open.

I nearly dropped my lens onto the floor when that happened, however I noticed that everyone was apparently waiting for that as I was the only one that jumped up in alarm. There standing with her red-hair all in a mess and her clothes a bit dishevelled, was Tokiha Mai.

As I recalled from the boys in University, Tokiha Mai was one of the top five supermodels in Japan. That information was definitely confirmed later. Everyone wanted a piece of her. It seems that Reito has her for a whole, she must be extremely pricey; to even let my eyes set onto her was suppose to be a privileged account. I had expected her to be all stuck up so high that she wouldn't be able to bring her nose down, however whatever I had thought was turned when she greeted everyone warmly and ran up to greet me at once she noticed my new presence. This girl truly amazes me, till now she still does.

She is as old as I, just that now that she is really the 'summer child' for her birthday falls on the 22nd of July. Her cheery aura radiates all around her that it engulfs anyone that comes close to her. She's extremely carefree and relaxed when it comes to her work; it really makes it easy for me to work with her. Taking photos of a full length person posed a threat to me, as I usually took scenic, obscure shots and frames that didn't really include people at full length. So I took a long time to get the correct angles and lighting to make the photo look absolute. She was nonetheless very patience with me. She encouraged me here and there, giving me some tips the previous photographers did when they took pictures of her. She remembers the lighting clearly and how far I should stand back to get a good view of her in my frame. I was happy that someone was able to help me through this. I am still grateful towards her.

She tried on new clothes from the wardrobe and made the pictures even more dashing. No wonder why she was one of the top five supermodels in Japan, I'm not really one that will notice other people's body but I couldn't help but notice how big her breast are and how curvy she was shaped. I'm sure and still does, that her body can make any local boy drop dead from a nosebleed.

I spent a few days with her in the studio snapping frames, after that, I complied those photos after some minor editing and sent them to Reito to ensure that his efforts made for me wasn't wasted. The next thing I knew was that I had a copy of the Fuuka-Otome magazine, a famous Idol magazine, posted to my apartment. I threw it aside at first only to pick it up when I needed something to read to kill another period of boredom. There and then, I saw for the first time the pictures I had taken of Mai in a ten page special. I roared in happiness when I noted that my name was in bold stated at the bottom of the page.

I was called up by Reito shortly after I figured that out, that Mai wanted another photo shoot. I grinned into the phone when he said that.

For that, Mai and I were at a start of a great friendship.

-

Right…I'll skip the part how we got to know each other better, all that crappy sappy shit. Oh, but I can add some juice for service. Mai likes a one of the boys that help out on the supporting crew. His name is Tate Yuuichi; he does the lighting work, so I always see him standing quite close to the set. There I will see sparks fly when I'm off lens or maybe on lens because I don't know when Mai will drift her eyes off to look at him. However, there are rumours too that Reito has a thing for Mai. I don't really believe so for Mai doesn't really tell me anything about him but more of Yuuichi. She's good friends with Reito's 'sister' though, a small bundle of energy named Minagi Mikoto. They have different family names, but they look a lot like each other, so I didn't bother to question, I just agreed. I didn't want to be in another mess as I was already in one.

Back on track! After my first ever model pictures were printed on media paper, things became even more hectic. Around then, investigators had found out who killed my mother and that the murders were still at large and now coming after me! The 'First District' were the prime suspect of my mother's case, and I didn't want to be involved in anything that she did or they did. I just wanted peace!

Goddammit, I was hounded like a fox. The police arrived at my apartment as if I was the one that killed my own mother. Luckily, Reito stepped in to help me get an escape route to a place where I wasn't that well-known of. He sent me off to Kyoto City in the Kyoto prefecture. To be more precise, since Kyoto has eleven wards, Mai and Reito dropped me off in Shimogyou, the busiest district in Kyoto City. They told me they would clear things up for me in Tokyo, call me back when things are sorted out and that I had too find a way to kill my new found boredom…again.

I had my camera with me; at least it wasn't that bad.

I moved off to the Fushimi District to visit the Fushimi Inari shrine and the Fushimi Castle, took some pictures of the buildings and the thousands of red torii before heading to the hot springs to soak myself red.

I spent a great deal of time in Kyoto moving here and there, taking shots up and down. I had the photos that I had taken of Kyoto published in a compilation book with my previous works after I returned to Tokyo. However there was this incident in Kyoto that I couldn't forget.

This was how it went,

I was dressed in a plain white shirt with a loose pair of beige trousers; it was near summer, so it was already hot. I didn't bother to bring my camera, I left it in the hotel; I had already taken pictures of the Kyoto tower and the bustling district of Shimogyō. I was just there for coffee, but what I really wanted was a cup of ice. I rounded the bend and went against the flow of the crowd to Kyoto station Chikagai PORTA, I remembered there was a Starbucks coffee store there. I spotted the green store as I strolled into the shopping mall beneath the station square.

The next thing was that I had cold tea spilled all over my shirt.

It was odd that I didn't feel the bump.

I should have watched where I was walking. I looked down to find a girl, with the looks of only nineteen, groaning in pain. Her sandy hair dropped pass her shoulder and her neat fringe covered what I thought were beautiful blood rubies. I stumbled forward, not to realise that I offered my hand to steady her. She held an empty cup of ice tea, which was now over me, in one hand and she reached out with the other. She looked up in a second later with shocked and guilt written all over her smooth face.

Then her sweet voice pulled me into fantasy, even when she was apologising with guilt wracked all over,

'I'm really sorry! Sorry! I…I'd…Let me…'

I stopped her flow of words as I placed my palm over her trembling ones and gave out a small smile,

'Let me get you a new cup of ice tea?'

Her face was pulled back in confusion, her small pink lips trembled and her shoulders tensed. She looked at me in the face and down to my stained shirt,

'But…but …your shirt…I'd really…'

I didn't know what had gotten over me, but just by staring at the girl dressed in a deep purple tank top with a denim black high skirt, I found myself wobbling with confidence. She made me feel unusually comfortable and safe, it was way pass paranormal. When she reached out to touch my now pale brown shirt, I unexpectedly grabbed her soft hand, turned and pulled her with me to Starbucks.

No matter what, I needed to get her a new cup of ice tea.

I felt no resistance even though she protested. I didn't know whether it was a pigment of my imagination but I certainly felt her hand tighten over mine and a small faint of pink glow over her cheeks.

The train from Tyoji had arrived in the Kyoto station when I stood at the counter; I could hear the long soft shrill ring of the bell. I ordered a cup of ice tea and a cup of ice for myself…I _really_ needed to keep myself cool, coffee won't really help me, all I needed was the _ice_. She had fluttered gracefully away from me the moment I reached the counter; she gave me a warm smile as she told me that she would find a table. I looked down onto my stained shirt…

I'm a goddamn flirt.

I sighed as I walked away from the cashier with the cup of ice tea in one hand and my own ice in the other. I found her sitting at a table located in the corner of the store, a table quite far from the crowd. It looked like she dragged the table there by herself; it didn't look like it there in the first place. I placed the plastic cup filled with tea in front of her before taking my seat opposite her.

We played the game of stare for the next 15 minutes.

I never got tired of looking at her, be it her hair, her eyes, her lips, her… I felt exceptionally light after that; it seemed that she took part of my soul in that period. I popped the cubes of ice into my mouth from time to time when I realised my mouth had turned dry. She on the other hand took small sips of her tea through the green straw that I inserted into the cap of her drink. I gulped every time she did that. After that wonderful 15 minutes, she unexpectedly complimented me,

'I love your hair.'

It was an ambiguous one to the fact. I didn't know whether it was for my hair colour, the way I had my fringe messily parted or how I was lazy to tie up my hair that grew to just beyond my shoulder blades. My mouth felt dry and I didn't have any more ice in my cup, so I scratched the back of my head and gave a cocky grin with a slight nod. For the second time, I saw the faint glow of pink spread over her cheeks.

Before I knew what happened to her tea, she had pulled me up from my seat and took control from the situation then on. She twirled around to face me as she simultaneously switched my hand to her other; she gave me another of those warm smiles,

'You have to get a new shirt.'

She pointed to the stain on my white shirt, it had partially dried up. It was as if she secretly knew I was feeling terribly uncomfortable with a shirt like this. She brought me to the different clothes shops in porta, she even pulled me in even though the prices where far than what I had in my wallet. Despite my constant protest of getting me a new shirt, she continued her hunt. At times she would place a shirt in front of me and stare for a while, make a face, look at the price, then place it back onto the line, it made me feel weird in a sense…I was allowing someone to pick what I needed to wear. I never allowed anyone else than my mother to pick the clothes I had to wear. After making that a mental note, I kept quiet, making a few murmurs here and there to acknowledge her preference to the shirts she chose.

I'm allowing her to choose my clothes…

Finally she settled onto another plain white shirt that looked exactly what I was currently wearing, minus the brown stain of course. She pulled me to her and placed it over my chest, only then now did I realise that I was taller than her by a finger or two. I looked down to her and saw her grin; she grabbed me by my hand and pushed me to the changing room.

She bought me that shirt after I came out with the stained one in hand.

I bought her a small necklace that she eyed when we came out of Kyoto station Chikagai PORTA.

I realised we were yet uneven… but I really couldn't help myself but to buy her something.

Before her hand slipped out of mine, she gave me a small bow and thanked me happily for the cup of ice tea and the small gift; she played with my fingers in her grasp within that time. I felt wobbly with happiness.

Then everything slipped away when she left with the crowd outside Kyoto station. She left like she had come…

I realised then that I forgot to ask for her name.

This was how it ended.

I received a call from Reito later that night. Mai came in the next morning to bring me back up to Tokyo; Reito had settled everything for me. As I looked through my files in Mai's car, I found something missing. I left half of my soul in Kyoto with that unknown girl and I…

I desperately needed it back.

Reito published the photos I had taken in Kyoto in a book, I received a copy. I was happy, but I knew I wasn't happy as a whole. Damn it, I absently left half of my existence in Kyoto. Mai happened to notice my troubled look when I was taking a break outside the studio, she stood beside me when I leaned languidly against the wall; I was looking at my shirt again. Her voice shook me out of my reverie,

'Don't tell me you don't do laundry!'

I snapped at her when she said that. She laughed it off when I brought my eyes back onto the stained shirt I refused to wash, wearing it made me feel comfortable; it was as if that teenage girl was still beside me smiling. I touched it with my fingers and found it cold…then I felt cold.

A month flew pass quite fast, and I had recently bought a new lens. Mai was on vacation so I hadn't had anyone to take pictures of. I went to the streets again, hoping to catch the differences in life, yet every time time stopped, I sighed. Something was missing. I had never felt so empty before, this all started happening after I came back from Kyoto.

Damn that girl.

I stopped by a bookstore to buy the monthly Fuuka-Otome magazine hoping that something would perk me up. Sadly, this issue had none of my photos inside, so I rolled it up and threw it under my arm as I headed to MOS Burger. When I was busy buying another burger from the last, I received a call from Reito. I carelessly tossed my phone back into my pocket, but he insisted that I answered; I had a long list of missed calls. So I stepped out of the long line and answered my phone. By the sound of his voice, he desperately needed me at the studio. I looked back at the queue and at my camera bag slung over my shoulder; I shrugged my shoulders as I made a deal over the phone,

'I want nine MOS burgers filled with mayonnaise.'

He stammered something about the mayonnaise…I just laughed.

By the time I reached back to Kanzaki Building, I was half an hour late, I had Suzushiro Haruka shouting down my throat when I was parking my Ducati. When it was in the car park, her booming voice was something one didn't want to hear. She's the one that hunts down potential models for Kanzaki Corporation; I heard that she had recently gotten hold onto another 'hot' one that will literally set fire. I thought Mai was already setting fire, but the way everything was in chaos in the building…it really seemed that this one could create a nuclear war. I'm just joking; I don't want another Hiroshima and Nagasaki disaster.

I was ushered extremely loudly into Studio 9; I caught a glimpse of Yuuichi at the light stands with Kazuya at the back, Akane was hidden behind the set doing the make up. Everyone was doing something. I was brought to Reito who was standing in front of the set, his corn coloured eyes landed on me and gleamed in happiness. I made up some apology and set my things down to get ready for the shoot. He passed a clipboard to me with information I needed to know about what to shoot, he told me it was for a fashion section…for the autumn series. I turned my head around to see the line of autumn clothing he gestured to me, I needed to get all these shots by today and I groaned inwardly.

When I called for the lighting to be dimmed for the back was too bright, Reito said something about a new model doing this project and I nodded it off. I preferred Mai to be doing this photo shoot with me, it makes me feel easier since both of us can joke on the set. I remembered that she was on vacation. I sighed again and pulled my camera up to my face, took a few shots to test the light and gradient and I called out that I was ready to start.

Reito excused himself, Haruka stayed. I looked at the matting of the studio and waited for the model to appear on the set. Somehow the same empty feeling overcame me and I felt tired all of a sudden. Then there was a small argument happened behind me…I just listened while I looked on at the design on the floor.

'Fujino, I can't have you wearing that necklace on the set.'

A murmur of disapproval was heard; I didn't strain my ears to listen to the voice, I sighed again.

'Please, just for this shoot. You're promoting the clothes not endorsing some unknown necklace.'

After that I heard Haruka butt in, her voice is something I couldn't miss.

'Fujino! Just listen to him! You're keeping the poor photographer waiting!'

I'm not that poor! I'm just lazy to buy new clothes! I twirled with the strap of my camera, and looked back to see the commotion,

'She's not going to wait all day while you decide on some necklace! Come on!'

I couldn't see who Haruka was talking to for the clothes line was blocking my line of vision, but I did certainly see Haruka haul the girl to the set in front of me. Then I perked up when I saw Haruka get onto the set…finally.

I smiled at her and I settled my eyes onto the newcomer, then my jaw became slack and my eyes widened.

Her soft hands played with the necklace around her neck I had given her a month ago. Our eyes met and before I yelled in shock, I saw the same glow of pink spread over her cheeks.

Haruka slapped me on the shoulder and I was forced to quieten down, I looked at the new model for sometime before I was startled back to reality by a cough. I quickly told her what position she needed to be in and I was sure I felt my other half of my soul come back to me when I snapped the first frame.

Her name Fujino Shizuru…

And she was only nineteen when I took the first photo of her!

-

She came up to me with a cup of ice tea in her hands during the first break; she offered me her cup with a sweet smile…but I politely declined it, I had a bottle of water in my hands then. I was taking my usual long stroll down the corridor when she came out of the studio seemingly trying to find me. I met her gaze after I heard the heavy door open, the same glow of pink brushed across her face then.

She ran towards me.

She brought her hands to the necklace that she wore during the shoot, her soft hands tracing the outline of the small pendant and she thanked me then again. As usual I scratched my head with my hand and gave a cocky grin; I couldn't help but fall into the same trap that I had set in Kyoto.

Her crimson eyes, a colour only a darker than scarlet, lured me into a fantasy that made me dizzy in newfound pleasure. I was sure that they were twinkling for my attention as she gave off a gaze that made me want to know her more about her. My arms were tingling with a new sensation, I just wanted to grab her and pull her in a fierce hug. I didn't know what I was doing then but I suddenly grabbed her wrist and pulled her to me. She yelped in surprise when I brought her into a tight hug, I introduced myself to her.

I know I was trying to seduce her…I could damn well hear my husky voice Mai always said I had around the new girls.

I felt no resistance after my actions; instead I felt her arms snake up my chest to rest on my shoulders. There she blew a hot breath into my ear which made me tremble in excitement. I was sure I had met danger, for the next few words that came out of her reeled me out of line. She simply said,

'Come catch me.'

We played a game of catch after that. I was the catcher and she the runner. I was always this close…sorry, I forgot that you can't really understand… I was always an inch away from catching her.

Reito had Mai and her to pair up to do a collection of the new winter collection arrivals; he had another photographer, Netoru Ren, and I to take the photos. Ren wanted to stick to the Studio while I wanted to do it outside. I had a perfectly good reason why we should have the shoot outside, he said it was invalid; I bloody wanted to slap him. He stated that the models would have a cold if they would do a shoot outside in the cold. I rolled my eyes…wouldn't they have the winter clothing to keep them warm? I wanted to do something else other than enclosing myself to a studio, furthermore the falling rusty orange leaves of autumn gave a good ambience and a breathtaking scenery. So…I asked the supporting crew and cast what they wanted.

Mai and the crew supported me…However she was the one that kept me restricted for that shoot. When I asked her with pleading eyes, she brought a finger to her chin, cocked her head to the side and answered,

'Ren's idea is so much better isn't it?'

I took that as a hint after that…she wanted me to please her, so after that I tried again, this time in the second shoot for the second winter collection. I twisted my words…added a bit more seducing and…

I succeeded…unfortunately I still had so many hurdles to get over in order to catch her.

Every shoot I did with her brought me closer to her, vice versa. I was able to get to know the better and the worse of her as how she did with me. I knew her favourite colour, her favourite food, the way she walked, how she preferred to have her hair down, her sizes, her hate towards arrogant people, her claustrophobia…everything! The new pleasurable sensation I had surging throughout every time I was with her was electrifying. She became bolder with time, the glow of pink rarely surfaced now; it was replaced easily with her a deathly embarrassing teases…that was only reserved for me.

We become more familiar with each other that I had first remembered in Kyoto.

That reminds me… Her voice has the distinct Kyoto accent that makes me fall even further into the depths of this mysterious feeling. It was always that saturated honey-toned accent I heard… She was only one that could get so close to me other than Mai, Mikoto and Reito… I didn't dare let Haruka get into an arms length from me, I was definitely sure her booming voice could crack my camera lens!

Mai added to the teasing when she figured out I was trying to get hold onto my catch. I knew Reito knew about my goal, however I was sure he was trying to keep it at a controllable level for me…he didn't want another media mess. Haruka was oblivious as ever.

Shizuru ran out of breath after a month or two and I finally caught her.

It was during New Year celebrations, she took me to the nearby temple to pray. It was snowing then…it was exceptionally special for it hadn't snowed in Tokyo for ages. I waited for her at the stone steps when she said she had to go get something. I eventually sat down on the freezing cold steps for my legs could stand no longer. It was pass two in the early morning; I was really trying to stay awake. I played with my breath and watched the snow fall; suddenly I had something warm pressed against my cheek. She had gone to buy a can of coffee for me, while she had gotten herself a small bottle of green tea; it was hot tea this time. I was not surprised that she had gotten a Georgia can coffee for me; she knew everything about me too.

When I pulled myself up and thanked her for the coffee, her hands softly tugged my other hand out off my jacket pocket and intertwined them with hers. I faintly blushed at her action then; she had never gone to such an extent before. She passed a warm smile at me when she tugged me to follow her down the steps to the main road. I blindly followed her while I chucked the can of coffee into my back pocket; sometimes she gives me more warmth than anything else.

Both of us ended walking back her apartment, I didn't have my Ducati or else I would have gotten her home faster. Her feelings started to spill while we walked hand in hand down the quiet street. The street lights flickered with the falling snow; it was light so it made everything look like a winter wonderland. The lights of tall buildings were off, only the corner shops in the business district remained on. A taxi slowed when it passed us, I looked away then; I'd rather accompany her back then send her back in a cab.

She dropped her head onto my shoulder and nestled closer to me, she made it quite difficult for me to walk, however I got use to it after a while. Then with my hand clasped with hers, she played with my fingers. She caressed it openly and hummed a nice tune along the way; it complemented the snow very well. My body started to become hotter than usual, I was sure she was feeling the same too. Her breathing started to became heavy, and I felt extremely light. We didn't talk through that time, we didn't need to look at each other…we just simply knew.

She stopped just at the entrance of her apartment and this time she pulled me into a fierce hug. She had me flushed tightly to her, I could feel her hand clasping tight to my inner shirt. Her lips brushed against my neck and her hands absentmindedly played with my long hair, her breath alone could make me melt in her embrace. I stroked her back lightly and ran my fingers through her fine hair; she snuggled even closer, breathing in deeper than before. I looked up into the dark morning sky, the snow rained lightly on me and I smiled. This mutual feeling was heaven.

When she pulled back from the embrace, I was able to settle my eyes onto the rare glow of pink that spread over her face, and then things happened so fast after that…

A light feather kiss was placed on my cold lips.

Then she ran off like she did back at Kyoto. However at least this time had no bustling crowd to block my view, I could watch her run into her apartment, trace my lips and grin like an idiot.

I knew for sure I had caught her.

-

After that, things went a step further than what I had expected. It was as if the beast inside was let loose, for any time I had her alone with me, I had her under me. She wanted it more than me, every action she did was to taunt and tempt me. She would openly excite and entice me; all was done just to lure me out of my cage. I'll give you two examples, both were done just after a photo shoot, when Mai, Reito and everyone had left the building and I was left alone to exit the floor. I met her at the lift lobby on the 47th floor; she had her white jacket on while I had my dirty grey one thrown across my shoulder. I paled contrastingly to her clothing; I was dressed in the dominating colour of black. She gave me a devious smile when I walked up to stand beside her. Then she threw her line in to bait me out.

She gracefully tossed her hair to the back, revealing the smooth creamy skin of her neck. She brushed her hand over there and let out a small dissatisfied groan. To me, I sounded like a moan of need. Bloody hell! I was sure she wanted it to be heard like that. I gulped as she lowered her hand to her chest and there she tugged at her jacket, making it seem that it was nuisance to her body. I darted my eyes to the lift, I knew I was staring.

The lift was taking oddly long to come to the 47th floor…I desperately needed to control myself.

I clutched tighter onto my sling bag and walked into the lift when it arrived. I knew she had purposely pushed her shoulder against mine when we entered the lift; she was making me get into the state that she wanted. Taking a note of that, I realised I was getting aroused faster than usual…her crimson eyes twinkled in amusement as the lift started to make its smooth descent to the ground floor. I noticed that every four floors that the lift descended, the temperature went up a notch.

I didn't know what she spell she had me under, but once the lift reached the ground floor, I had her pushed up against the lift wall, her legs around me and our lips fighting for dominance. I gave her a second mark on her neck that night, I stopped when I realised my hand rode up into her skirt. I saw her smirk in victory when I hastily pulled back and slipped my hand out from under her skirt. I wanted to get out of the lift, but her arms around my neck kept me locked to her. She snuggled to the crook of my neck and murmur something into my shirt. I submitted in defeat when the lift door closed again…

Secondly, it was early in the morning, I had just parked my Ducati in the underground car park, and she had just walked pass my lot to the lift. Our eyes met for a brief moment, yet her eyes showed the same amusement and temptation. I was easily lured by her bait and I was in time caught by her actions once again.

I had her pinned to a pillar, this time I was under a frenzy, I had almost ripped her jacket apart, but I stabled when I realised I had my hand where it was not suppose to be. I saw her frown; I didn't want to do it. I knew she wanted it taken away by me alone as badly as I wanted to take it away from her, but I daren't. I eased her to the ground and I took her by the hand and led her to the lift lobby. I gave her a weak smile when she asked me whether I was feeling alright. I could hear the disappointment in her voice, but I couldn't take it away from her yet…I felt that I wasn't able to. I turned and hugged her; I know I could hear her whimper of plea, I grimaced,

'I'm sorry.'

When summer came, I kept myself locked in my apartment.

Mai told me it was bad for my health, I told myself it was for my own good. Every time I had my eyes settled on Shizuru, my mind and heart raced, but I internally knew I couldn't please her. Reito started to get worried, I was not coming to work and I hadn't done a compilation or a photo shoot recently. I was replaced with Ren, Mai was unhappy, Haruka was unhappy, the supporting crew was unhappy, most of all, Shizuru was unhappy. She called me on my phone, but I daren't answer. If I did, I wouldn't speak…I was happy enough to hear her voice. She came by my apartment a couple of times, I faked I wasn't around, luckily I had my Ducati sent for servicing, or she wouldn't have left my apartment.

I didn't hear from her after another month. I became bolder and took the next step to hit the streets again, my camera was getting dusty. Everywhere I turned to snap a frame; all I could think was Shizuru. Even when I was at Inokashira Park, I could remember the seconds that had ticked by when I brought her here to watch the cherry blossoms in spring. I found myself sitting at the same bench where I waited for her to get ice cream for the both of us. I smiled at the thought, but frowned soon after.

I was thinking too much of her, and yet I was not able to please her.

I was fool that she'll let me have a second chance.

I bought a new camera model, one with remarkably low noise and high ISO. I was happy that my touch with the camera was still intact; I managed to capture time once as before. However as I moved from one district to another, I realised that half of my soul which I willingly gave to her was yet again gone. I felt empty as usual, however it managed to fuel some sort of emotion through my body that made me take frames of same feeling. I realised that they were all grey.

I managed to get by another month without anyone beside, after all I consider myself a lone wolf. I stopped by the Kanzaki building once to pop my head in to say a hello and pass a compilation to Reito. He pleaded me to stay for the next shoot, he said Mai was eager to see me again, he never mentioned Shizuru…I thought she didn't care anymore. Haruka was there with him, she seemed annoyed and frustrated. She even glared at me and poked me in the chest and bellowed that everything was my fault. I thought it was something to do with my hair, for she pulled it and tugged at it while she lectured me. I hadn't cut my hair since then, so it was awfully long. I looked awful anyway.

I smirked and waved it off them, Reito told me that he'll be sending the recent issue of Fuuka-Otome to me. I replied that I won't need it…however somehow from the look on Reito's face, it said: just read it. He wanted me to know something…So I changed my mind and told him that I'll get one from the bookstore.

I shouldn't have done that.

Hell, I should have just waited for a copy to come to my apartment.

I almost tore every magazine in the store when I saw the content. I had myself tearing through the Kanzaki Building, I had to find Shizuru.

No…I had to first find that bloody pretty face photographer, Ren. I really needed to beat him into pulp; that was my top priority.

Luckily before I could even reach Studio 9, Mai stopped my rampage. She had just finished her shoot, she was tired, but by looking at me all flustered with rage and anger, she brought me out to eat. She wanted me to cool down…and she knew the perfect thing.

I ate 20 mayonnaise filled okonomiyaki pancakes that night. I never felt so dead after that.

Mai noticed the recent Fuuka-Otome Magazine in my sling bag, and I wanted to burst out again when she took it out to read. However I realised that all my energy was drained just from stuffing myself full, that I could barely lift my heavy head from the table. She notice how I looked at the cover page, I was staring again. She teased me about it…I shook it off. Yet I knew I wasn't able to completely forget about Shizuru.

There on the cover page, was Shizuru dressed in a tight slim black one piece dress that had a cleavage so low, that I thought I really could see her whole body. I thought I was going to get a nosebleed but when I flipped to the special that she was given in the magazine, I flipped.

Mai shook her head and whacked me with the rolled booklet, she hit me a few times and told me look at her. I reluctantly brought my eyes to her and grimaced. I stated in a low voice, barely above a whisper,

'She's not an object.'

Mai laughed and shot me confused look,

'An object? Natsuki, get straight to the point!'

I growled and snapped my head up and slammed my fist onto the counter. Fortunately we were the only ones eating at the side street stall, the owner turned around to look at us. He blew out a smoke ring and went back smoking. I furrowed my brows and opened to the pages where my anger took toll, I pointed at the photos and growled louder than I would ever do to Mai,

'Bloody hell! Hell! Mai just look at it! She's not some…! She's not a…! She's… She's… Shizuru's not…'

I realised that I had started to cry, I was standing up like a fool…crying at the fact that the person I was in love displayed her nude body for all to see.

I threw the magazine to the floor and stomped hard on it, I cried out in the night air,

'It's supposed to be a safe rated magazine! When did it become a…a…!'

I couldn't finish my sentences, I was stuttering and crying, I yelled out in frustration,

'She's only for me to see!'

I dropped back hard onto to the counter and cried loudly. Mai comforted me with all she had; I just continued to wail…because in my mind, all I could see was her…

Shizuru was only for me to see.

-

I cut my hair to the same length I had when I was in Kyoto, just below my shoulder blades. I neatened my fringe and I headed back to the Kanzaki Building. Reito was happy to see me back in action; however his face faltered when I asked him about the recent Fuuka-Otome magazine. He brought me into his office and told me everything over a sentence,

'She was the one that wanted that shoot, and she asked Ren to take the frames.'

I wanted to strangle Reito on the spot, nonetheless I realised that he wasn't to blame. He couldn't have prevented that from happening, neither object to it. It was Shizuru's decision, he had to respect it. I knew he had tried to call me to take up the role in order to put Ren off the set, but then, I had shut myself to the world and locked myself in my apartment. I frowned inwardly.

I could have stopped it.

Haruka's words struck me hard. I realised then what she meant by: it was your fault. I pulled myself out Reito's office to find that perverse pretty face photographer, however I was stopped by Reito himself. He came up with an idea,

'I have a project for you if you want to.'

I stepped back and raised myself to his challenge.

'Chose two seasons and then you'll see.'

I picked summer and winter. Summer for myself and winter for her. Shizuru loved the winter; she is a winter child, born on the 19th of December. As you knew I am a 'summer' child. I remember how she said she loved the summer too…she liked it then for it was part of my name. I hoped she still does…

Reito smiled and said that he'll inform when the projects come about. Summer was almost over… Winter was quite far then.

I bumped into my old friend, Yuuki Nao, in a clothes store. She became a fashion designer after graduating from the same university as me. She is as crude as usual,

'The Pup! It's just dandy to meet you here!'

I gave her the usual greetings and quickly tried to avoid starting a conversation with her, she could whip up a mean conversation if you popped the wrong topic. However, I couldn't rush off fast enough as she held tight onto my shirt and pulled me to a bookstore. She bought another magazine which was too under the Kanzaki publisher, flipped to one page and shoved it into my face.

I read it and felt my fingers tingle with excitement.

-

I reported to Studio 9 late, as always. The supporting crew was ever so happy to see me once again, Haruka was happy too; it was quite weird to see her happily slapping me on the back. Then and there I saw the pretty faced photographer, Neturo Ren; already taking frames of the supermodels that we were both suppose to take. He looked like a pervert while he snapped the frames up down left right centre. He didn't even acknowledge my presence. I smiled at myself when I recalled the page that Nao showed to me.

The smooth sheet had his name and my name printed like: Neturo Ren versus Kuga Natsuki. Summer and Winter Collection Photo Shoot Competition. Sponsored by Kanzaki Corporation. The details followed… I apparently didn't read it as my eyes focussed on the top ten supermodels that will be participating in the collection. I picked up Mai's face very easily and the next thing was that I found my eyes staring at Shizuru's smooth face. She was one of the ten… I almost jumped in joy…unknown joy that shook my body. Deep down, I knew that I was still unable to fulfil her wish, but the only thing I had on my mind was that…

I was happy that I was able to see her.

All the supermodels were already there, fitted into the summer clothes. They apparently knew me as they squealed in delight when they saw me approach the set. I smiled happily at them; I didn't even know them, but what the heck…I had to have them wanting to get into my frame. I spotted Mai easily among them, she smiled at me and I waved back, the other girls squealed again; I should really get use to this. The weird thing was that my eyes automatically searched for the sandy brown hair model, and finally I found her.

She wore a simply tight white top that showed off her curves and a high cut tennis-looking skirt, or whatever it was called. She looked drop dead gorgeous with her hair tied up into a thin pony tail, her fringe neatly around her face. I figured that it was my imagination; I saw the faint glow of pink spread over her cheeks like before. Once I looked away and back, that beautiful glow was no more there, instead a playful look took over that made me sick in the gut. It wasn't like her.

Shizuru wasn't the girl I loved then.

During the first part of the first summer shoot, I realised that Ren disliked me being even on the same set. Every time I was ready to capture a spectacular shot, I was either forcefully pushed aside or nudged in the arm. I ended up taking blurry pictures. The ten supermodels were on the set randomly posing for us, so I had to get the attention of one or a few in order to get a good picture. Ren on the other hand was being a real pervert, no matter what they were doing or not he would just snap a shot. It made me furious. He was practically just enjoying the view. I was sure he was going into the same disgusting mood when he did Shizuru request. I held back my anger.

At the first break, I had the supermodels asking me to show them the pictures I had taken of them, none of them bothered Ren, I was sure they felt the same as I had felt about him. I politely told them I only showed the pictures after the whole shoot had been completely, they whined after that and I excused myself out of the studio for my same old stroll down the corridor. Yet I was unable to do so as a supermodel grabbed me back and started to talk to me. I can't remember her name, but her facial features are as beautiful as Shizuru. Speaking of Shizuru, I had caught her watching me from side where she mingled with the other models. She was shooting me angry glances, but I shook them off…

I was fine with her being angry at me.

The second part of shoot was so much better. The supermodels flooded into the view of my lens every minute, so I didn't have to worry about getting attention from them. Ren had a difficult time for this shoot. I noticed that throughout the shoot, Shizuru was trying her best to get into my frames. She was trying her best, and it seemed she did for during the second break, as I looked through the shots in my camera, I realised that most of them were all of her. I was happy that she was doing that, but I realised if this cycle happened again, I would only break her heart further…I was still yet to be able to please her.

I looked again at the shots and found out her real emotions where hidden underneath that fake smile.

It wasn't like her.

The second shoot was better than the first. The number ten was lowered down to five, and I was shivering in excitement when I saw that Shizuru was still on the set. She came by me and shot me glance that left me confused. I didn't know what it meant, but I saw much emotion in that one glance. I felt lost.

Jealously was standing by longing, while anger was sitting on sadness and desire towering over fear.

She wanted me as much I wanted her. However both of us were playing a very tough game of catch… We were both catchers and runners. I ran and she chased; her and me.

By the second break, I had more pictures of her than I ever had in my compilations. I realised she was fighting back for my attention, and again for the third time in my life, I fell into the same trap. As she struggled to get me, I struggled to find the perfect frame. It came back to my mind that she held half of my soul and I focussed back on her. I wanted it back, I wanted life, and I wanted her.

My pictures had more life when I continued…but I wanted more.

I wanted to capture eternity.

-

Winter came faster than expected.

I was winning more votes than Ren; I already knew I would still win by a landslide if I didn't do the winter shoot. However I still had to finish this competition, I couldn't let down those who supported me. Shizuru had been leaving hints for me from summer to winter. She desperately wanted me to win her back. I was reluctant to, I didn't want to, yet deep down in my hidden depths; she was the only one that could hold the eternity I wanted. I ignored it and it seemed that I pricked the wrong nerve on Shizuru when I started to focus more another model other than her. It went to an extent that what I ignored hurt me badly too.

It really hurt.

Two models were left on the last winter shoot, Nakashima Ai and Fujino Shizuru. Ren was anxious and jittery while I was calm and composed; we were both waiting for the both of them to get ready when Ren suddenly broke the awkward silence I had created. His 'handsome' voice and pretty face didn't match his character; I still owed him that beating. He spoke only to me, but he sounded like he wanted all to here. Yuuichi stared at me, I just shrugged it off. However when Ren noticed I wasn't listening to him, he brought in a topic which knocked me off my line. It echoed in the room, his voice punched a hole in heart,

'Kuga. Did you know how much I enjoyed taking those photos?'

I acted dumb, I looked at Yuuichi this time, but the fellow had his head turned to the floor.

'Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about Kuga.'

I tried to distract myself.

'Her body is something anyone would die for. God, I can still smell her and see her. It was perfect.'

I started to twitch my left leg. I didn't want to hear anymore.

'She looked so innocent yet so playful. The way she puckered her lips at me, and how she straddled the post.'

I grinded my teeth together, he didn't need to remind me, I had those nude photos in my mind…it made me sick.

'The way her rounded breast bounced when she breathed in under me, it was awesome. Her lithesome legs and how she openly allowed me to feast on.'

I trembled in anger…

'Oh, I think I forgot how she mentioned how she hated you that you weren't able to get her aroused?'

'What?'

My heart broke then, into tiny fragments, like little pixels breaking apart from a picture. I knew I said something before I felt it break.

She hated me.

'Yes, I think I forgot that. She told me that you were useless, you were only good with words, yet you were unable to please her physically and mentally.'

I'm useless to her.

'Dammit Kuga, your pathetic! You're just a bloody toy to her!'

I looked up to face him, he face was smeared when arrogance and pride. Pride in having able to watch her squirm under him and please him through a lens, arrogance that he thought he had over me. I had badly wanted to throw my fist onto his face, but the two supermodels stopped my actions as they appeared on the set. I growled at him and…and I forced my eyes away from Shizuru. I didn't know whether that was the truth or not, but whatever he said had sunk in so badly that I trembled in anger at the both of them. I was roaring in anger at Ren, while I scorched betrayal at Shizuru. I brought my camera up to my face and I saw her…

_All I am was but a toy_.

I shuddered in rage.

Then I threw the camera at her…

Stormed out of the studio and I heard Haruka bellow at me, I heard the other model yelped and…

I bumped into girl carrying hot tea.

It spilled all over my long white sleeve shirt like how it was back then in Kyoto. The girl bowed continuously while she hastily apologized to me.

Like hell would she buy me a new shirt!

I didn't care…I didn't want to care.

-

Mai congratulated me on the landslide victory over the phone; I was getting onto my Ducati then. However she complained why I didn't do the winter shoot, I flipped my phone into my pocket… I felt sorry towards Mai, but I didn't need to be reminded what happened back then. I stopped at a camera shop in Akibahara; I needed to get a new Canon model, the one I threw at her was one that I wouldn't want to lay hands on again. Ren could have it for all he wants. I checked out the newer models; however I realised that the price was way out of my budget. In the end I returned back to my apartment to dig out my old model, the one I had used in university. It was a double digit model so the ISO wasn't that high and the noise low. Never mind that, I preferred this than that.

Reito complained that I had to get a better camera for the photos that I was taking were lacking the high quality I usually gave. I grimaced at the fact that I had to go on loan if I wanted to get a new model. I extended my deadline for the next photo compilation, I pleaded with Reito and I tried in vain to do something to get the money I needed for the new model. I failed at practically almost every part time job I went to…the only good one was being the mechanic down in Chiba city. However I was fired after I kicked the supervisor when I grouped my ass.

Over my dead body would I let anyone do that to me!

I returned to Reito, begging him to let me slip just this once. However something was up when he gave me a confused look and said that new model that I had ordered had just arrived at my table.

I had a table? That was not important…

I ordered a camera model?

I got lost on my way to find my 'table', and when I arrived at my cubicle, I saw the camera model box with a new lens. My jaw dropped. I rounded the table and picked up the note that was next to it. However I quickly threw it back down and chucked the box to a side, I didn't want anything to do with her.

I didn't want to. I didn't want to ever again.

Reito asked a few days later whether I had the photos I wanted to compile, I passed him the ones I had taken with my old camera. He noticed and asked again, but I countered and lied that I used the new model to take those pictures. He didn't ask me any more, He just shrugged and said that my supporters would feel terrible.

I felt terrible.

-

Mai had gone on vacation again, and I was to produce another compilation. Reito insisted I had someone else other than Mai and the other models in my photo album. Haruka insisted that I go and find someone or she would find someone for me. I grumbled and ignored them. However I paid the price when I received a call for Reito that I was to go an apartment to take pictures of a model. I groaned loudly into the phone and told me to be there now.

It was already way pass nine. I wondered why the model wanted to do a shoot this late. When I took down the address that Reito gave to me, I screamed at him. He hung up on me by then. I pulled my hair and shouted to no one in particular… I didn't want to go there.

I didn't want to.

I pulled up on my Ducati in front of the familiar looking apartment I had stopped outside a year ago. It was a year ago…just that it was snowing lightly then. The lights were not on so I turned off my engine and waited on my bike. I decided whether to leave or the stay. Then I felt my phone vibrate through my coat. Her voice was barely above a whisper, it sounded as if she was suffering from an ailment.

'The door is not lock. You can come in.'

I parked my bike on the sidewalk of the quiet street and strode to her apartment. The sling bag which contained my old camera model felt awkwardly heavy, I really wanted to throw it away, but I kept my mind focussed.

This meeting was for my compilations.

Not for her.

It was for me.

I pushed the door open and softly closed it. Once I had the door back in place, I heard her voice again and she led me to a room. Her accent was something I couldn't forgot so easily, and when I appeared at the door way of the room she was in, I realised it was her bedroom. There was a simply wooden chair in front of a middle-sized bed dressed in smooth blue linen spread, by the side of the bed there was a small desk with a few things on it. I didn't know where she was in the room at first, but as my eyes got use to the darkness, I saw her sitting at the edge of the bed, dressed simply in the clothes that I remembered she wore on the day I had met her in Kyoto. The purple suited her, it made her look graceful in a way. The denim black high skirt she wore rode up her lean thighs, and I looked away as Ren's words rang again in my head.

She didn't say anything. All she did was to turn her head to meet mine. She looked at me for a while and I was able to set sight onto the thousands of raw emotions she was overflowing with. I had no words to say as I saw that the single emotion that stood out was sadness. I cringed inside but bounced back quickly, I couldn't fall into her trap again.

I walked towards the chair and sat down. I threw my coat behind me and brought my sling bag to the floor and took out my camera. I heard her take in a quick breath and the air suddenly became still. I looked at her on the edge of the bed and frowned,

'Can you turn on the lights? I can't even see what I'm taking off in this darkness.'

She seemed stunned when I told her that, but her reply was quick and countered,

'Help yourself.'

I shot her a glare through the heavy atmosphere. I slung my camera strap over my neck, folded my arms over my chest and slouched in the chair,

'I don't have all night to do this, I need to get rest don't you know that?'

Her face didn't change but I was certain her eyes did,

'So do I.'

She sounded rejected. I cringed inside again, this time I took longer to recover.

'Look here, I came here for a reason and that is to take photos of you. I'm not here to play games with you.'

'Then start taking.'

I was taken aback by her sudden forwardness, and I looked away from her. I had fallen into her trap, she wanted me to look at her…I didn't want to. I fidgeted with my camera. My fingers started to tremble and my hands shiver. I gulped…

I didn't want to.

Her melancholic voice cut the air and I was thinned by her command,

'Look at me.'

I didn't want to turn.

'Natsuki!'

I managed to focus on a pile of magazines on the side table outside the bedroom. I spat,

'You have no right to call me by my name.'

I saw the first issue of this year's Fuuka-Otome on the top. I knew the front cover was her with Mai, both of them had their fingers over their lips, I remembered taking that photo for I recalled the way they both said the words: be quiet. I said it with them, and I knew I almost slipped my tongue to say her name. I growled,

'You have no right to say my name!'

'Why won't you look at me!'

I shut my eyes tight and focussed on the things I had in my life…the thing I only saw was her. I bloody didn't know why I was thinking about her at this time…I didn't want to!

'Look at me!'

I heard a shuffle of fabric against fabric and the next thing I knew, I felt a cold hand holding onto my chin. I shook her hand off before she had the chance to turn my head. I didn't want to… I grinded my teeth and hissed at her,

'What to you think you're doing!?'

I didn't turn to meet her face, I locked my head to the right, my eyes focussed onto the pile of magazines. The second issue followed, the cover page had her only, she was dressed in a simple white one piece dress, it made her look like an angel. The backdrop was the falling cherry petals at Inokashira Park, she had a hard time keeping her hair away from her face, and the breeze was always there to pester her so I managed to take a beautiful shot of her holding her hair back to her ear. I was sure she waiting for me to take that shot.

'Natsuki, look at me!'

She had her hand firmly grasping my chin and she jerked my head to meet her face,

'Look at me!'

I knew the third issue was a special as I had a column about me inside. Mai took a photo of her and I and it came out along with the information about me. I was grinning like an idiot in that shot, she was hugging me tightly then. Mai, her and I were out for coffee, Mai managed to capture that shot on her phone. Reito agreed that it was suitable picture. All of them said that I never before looked so happy. I looked at it and realised I had my hand scratching my head again…I really have a habit of doing that.

'Look at me!'

I felt something wet fall onto my cheeks and I realised that she had climbed onto me and had started crying. Her eyes were watery with tears and her hands on my face were trembling. Her other hand was clutching tight onto the shirt I wore, her grip was tight and I thought she was going to push us both over. She cried, her face contorted into anguish and sadness,

'Look only at me!!'

I was at a loss at words when she said that. She shook me with the hand on my shoulder, while her hand on my face caressed my skin. The tears continued to rain down on me, and I felt some land onto my mouth and I never knew her tears would taste this sweet. I kept quiet while her breathing became more and more ragged, I watched her ease herself closer to my frame and I saw the need in her crimson eyes.

The fourth issue was the last picture I had taken of her for the cover page. She had the necklace I had given to her around her neck, she donned a nice violet blouse with a dark pleated dress, and the high cut boots I had given to her on her previous birthday made everything look whole. It was the valentine issue, so she had a box of chocolate in her grasp…She had given me a box of chocolates after that. I gave her a box of sugar candy on white day, I knew she had a sweet tooth.

'Please…Look at only…me.'

She ended up slumped against my form on the chair, her hands still grasping tight onto me. She continued to cry on me, and I then realised that I had my camera jutting into my chest.

There was no fifth issue for me.

I groaned quietly when she murmured into my chest,

'Look at only me…'

I traced her lips with my left hand while my right hand came to her back to get ease her into a better position that made us both comfortable; I needed to get my camera out of my chest.

'Look at only me for I look at only you.'

I met her in the eye, they were still watery with tears, and I knew that another onslaught would occur if I would do the wrong thing. Everything I saw and heard just then in those past few minutes made me cringe in pain even more. To see her in a state like this was worse than what I had been through. Her emotions were raw to her and to me, I could see everything like before, her sadness was washed with the fear of me not being to only one to her as she had before. I traced her lips again and felt her shiver under my touch, she said again as if in a trance,

'I look only at you… only you.'

She kissed my fingers when she finished and took in a deep breath, I brought them to my mouth and kissed back. I saw a glimmer of hope in her eyes and I lifted her chin up so I could see her face clearer,

'I beg you to look only at me…'

I traced her lips again with my thumb.

'I want you to look at only me.'

Then I brought her lips near to mine and I heard her whisper,

'I only love the one I see and I see…'

I silence her off with a quick kiss, I pulled back and saw her shocked expression, and I pressed my forehead against hers and breathed out in happiness,

'Only you.'

I saw the same glow of pink spread over her cheeks, and I was reeled into utmost happiness. I gestured her to move a bit back and I quickly brought the camera off my body and lowered it gently onto the ground. Then I flushed her body to mine and caught her in a passionate kiss.

-

She kissed my nose while I brought her legs to hug my waist. She leaned into me when I assured her that she won't fall, then I licked the trail of tears that started to pour again, they were sweet…just like her. She tightened her hold around my neck and breathed onto my neck, she murmured something intangible and then sucked a sensitive spot on neck, and I let my head fall onto hers when she did that. Both of us were radiating with love.

I drew her closer to my body and then without warning, lifted her up with me and settled down on the bed. She gave out a yelp of surprise and held tighter onto me. When I laid her down onto the bed, I attacked her with patience and love. She seemed to want to take things a little faster for she started to grind her hips against mine. I nibbled her earlobe and hushed her with a hot breath, she shivered under me and stopped her actions. I pulled back and looked down on her, her eyes were clouded with affection and adoration; I smiled but I became wider as I noticed the necklace I had given to her was around her neck. I dipped back down and kissed it, then I slipped off to her neck.

I remembered a soft spot she had around there so I gently traced my tongue round and round in circles until I heard the sharp intake of air…then I knew I had hit the correct spot. She brought me closer to her form, snaking her hands through my hair, I heard her say the same thing she said in Kyoto,

'I love your hair.'

I smirked at that…now I knew what she meant by that. I drew a small circle with my tongue and then bit softly onto her skin, I heard her moan and felt her hands push my head further to her. I was at high bliss as she was. Slowly my hands worked to peel off the tank top and she did to my shirt, but I was faster that I had her skirt off before she had finished with my shirt buttons. I didn't know why she didn't take off my shirt but left it open, I stared in wonder as she ran her hands over my chest and down to my abdomen and up again. She pulled me in a gentle possessive hug and took my hand to place it over her chest. The swell of her breast was soft and supple, unlike mine which was small and…fine, I was called an airport runway once…I still think I am.

I could feel her heart beating madly against her chest and it matched easily with mine. This time I felt blood rush to my face…I blushed. She urged me to continue and I slowly worked her up to ecstasy.

I had my unbuttoned shirt and trousers on when I had her undergarment all off, I felt awkward, so I stripped. I wanted to be bare as she was to me. She saw only me, I had to see only her and I willingly agreed to it. I wanted only her. She blushed into another shade of pink when I rested my bare body on her, she shivered at first but grew accustomed to my toned body. She brought her legs around my waist again when I started with my ministrations. She moaned throughout and my ears were filled only with her voice. She said my name with affection and with so many caresses that I felt so light. Her hold became tighter as I slipped my hand down to her between her thighs… I didn't stop then, she didn't stop me, and instead she bucked her hips to my hand and pleaded me to take her.

Both of us rocked with a rhythm that became faster until she screamed my name into my mouth, I felt her inner walls tighten down on my fingers and she buckled underneath me… I never felt so alive when I followed her soon after. I slowly brought her down from high heaven and I gently pulled out my fingers. She was bleeding, but I knew that happened in the first round, she was whimpering in pain or pleasure, I didn't know. However I felt that I had done something wrong, I hastily pulled my shirt over her and embraced her. I whispered words of apology and began to rock her like a baby in a cradle.

She surprised me when returned the embrace, her hands went to my face and stroked it. I felt secure just like that and I leaned in to her touch. She whispered into my ear, her breathing heavy from the sex,

'You see only me as I see only…'

'You.'

I finished the sentence for her and kissed her on the forehead, she lay her head against my chest and spoke loud and clear for my ears only to hear,

'I love you.'

I looked down and saw her tired crimson eyes brimming with joy and love, her hair was plastered messily to her face with all the perspiration, then and there I saw my eternity.

I didn't need to take a picture of it…

I had it captured in my mind…

It was an eternity only for me,

Only for me to see.

I cupped her face and kissed her lips briefly, when our noses touched, I grinned,

'As I love you too.'

-

Haruka scolded the ends out of me when I came back empty handed the next day. I didn't really come back empty handed, I came with Shizuru, hand in hand and smiling like an idiot. Reito found it oddly surprisingly that I had become more carefree than usual. I found myself grinning like the same idiot in that photo I took with Shizuru.

I didn't feel that empty as before.

-

Right! That about it sums up my life over the past 23 years of my life. Mai just left for vacation, and I'm currently stuck here with you. I wonder when Shizuru will be back, she's sure taking a very long time in getting the mayonnaise I wanted. Okay…I have to get back on editing my photos, don't make so much noise. Don't bother me now…I had just spent quite a long time talking to you. I bet everything I said was gibberish to you!

I shouldn't have wasted my time.

Oh, I'll get you a new bowl of water. Just wait a minute.

* * *

I know it was not proper to stand outside a room and overhear a conversation, but I couldn't really help it. She was talking to our dog; I had never seen her do that before. However I realised she was talking about the life that she had when she first met me until now… She told everything to our dog! I really didn't know what she had going through her mind! I had gone out and came back long ago from buying her bottle of mayonnaise, I thought she had heard me enter, but as I got to the study and peeked inside, she was talking to our dog. I wanted to enter and tease her, but I stopped myself as I heard something about meeting a girl in Kyoto.

I had taken half her soul and I am still holding onto it.

I never felt so happy when she finished, I knew I had tears ready to flow. However I had no time to loiter outside as she was coming out to fill the water bowl for our dog. I hastily wiped my face dry and rushed to the kitchen, there I faked that I had just came back.

I heard her chirp in happiness when she saw me. She dropped the bowl and rushed over while calling,

'Duran! Shizuru's back! Come!'

She brought me into a fierce protective hug and I suddenly felt fur at my feet. I looked down to see our dog circling the both of us, while she kissed my on the lips.

I embraced her back and smiled into her hair,

'I hope you have finished editing your photos.'

She tightened her hold around my waist and whispered,

'Yes I have finished editing…'

'…photos of only you.'

* * *

**A/N**: I hope you have enjoyed it! I wanted it to be a long one shot...however I realised that I need to have another chapter as an epilogue to solve the problem of Ren, Natsuki and Shizuru. So watch out for an update!

For the info: _Netoru_ literally means to steal another's lover or wife or husband. The part where Natsuki described herself as almost saying Shizuru's name in the first issue of the Fuuka-Otome is explained: _Be quiet_ in Japanese is said as _Shizukani_...therefore, Natsuki almost said _**Shizu**ru_ intead of _**Shizu**kani_. The last model in the story called Nakashima Ai is named after two real Japanese supermodels, Aline Nakashima and Ai Tominaga. Mitsuaki Iwago is a real photographer that I admireso i chucked him in. Go Iwago! Furthermore, Inokashira Park is really a nice place to view the cherry blossoms bloom. One should check out the Starbucks at Kyoto station Chikagai PORTA...I went there once and found a table that didn't look like it was to be there.

I'll be updating Akeome the longest battle soon!

This story specially goes out to Juliet! I'll see you again sometime and somewhere.

Then again,

Cheers! -J-crusader.


	2. Interlude: Be free

**A/N**: This is an interlude for the epilogue which will be coming very,very soon. I did a quick illustration for the epilogue which is posted up at my homepage, check it out. I'll be closing the poll, so let's see which story prevails! Thanks for all the fantastic support. ;

This interlude is an important one...since this small part takes place between the one-shot and the epilogue. I hope all would enjoy! Cheers!

* * *

**Interlude: BE FREE**

* * *

Sometimes I have the feeling that she's watching me.

-

Bloody hell.

Just a second ago, I had told myself not to look out. My mind had reminded me a thousands times before that, and I think that it's just that I really can't help myself. I narrowed my eyes as I gulped down my own saliva. The television was buzzing with an advertisement I didn't really bother about. My favourite food programme was coming up after the next advertisement…

Heck it, she was something I rather watch.

I shifted my body that I finally had my hand draped behind the couch and my head turned to side to watch her. The transparent balcony door was partially open, and the spring breeze could be felt on my skin; I have to remember to bring her to Inoshikara Park soon before the cherry blossoms pass. My television programme had started, the volume was turned on quiet loud, but my ears could pick up her softest voice…

She was humming.

I could see it clearly, her lips were pursed together and her body slowly rocking to a tune I could barely register. Then I flopped my head on the couch and strained my ears, she was definitely humming something. I tilted my head to the side, maybe she had been listening to my music…I left my music player out the bed the other day. I shook my head…she hates rock music.

I had my body now fully turned to face her. Her back was turned towards me and I had my hands placed on the bet that she didn't know that I was watching her. If she was to turn now at this moment, I would up for a serious tease tonight. That I wouldn't want, so I was very much hoping at the moment she wouldn't turn. The midday sun was out and so was she with the laundry. She had done part of it just now, but since my hunger groan from my study had reached her, she had immediately whipped up lunch for the both of us.

God, she's now my saviour.

I reached for the television control and decreased the volume; I had really wanted to know what she was humming on. Her rich Kyoto voice was something I could drown myself in, it was lulling and calming…sometimes a tad bit exciting, but it always had the spark that would literally send my mind reeling for her. I watched her stop for a moment or two as she reached down to the basket to take up another piece of clothing…ah, that's my shirt.

I felt my cheeks burn when she hugged it to her chest. I felt the urge to run out to just embrace her and throw her up in the air. I cursed under my breath when I realised that I was not suppose to do so…Act cool Natsuki…act cool.

Hell, like I could control myself under her actions.

I heard Duran move before me to rest next to feet. His fur was tickling my feet again; he should really get his fur trimmed soon. She continued with her tune and I noticed as she hung my shirt, her mouth was moving. She was singing. I never have heard her sing before, aside from the fact that when she speaks, it's good enough for me to treat it as a song. Her fingers traced my plain shirt and my chest scorched.

That's how effective she was…

Even when she was not facing me.

I swallowed again. This was not fun. I strained my ears more to pick up the tune she was singing now. I had never seen her listen to any music recently, apart from listening to the piano which Mai had recently played after a photo shoot. The piano was there on the set as a prop, but Mai believed otherwise and played a piece for us to hear. It was impressive and she was moved, I was smiling to myself after that, she had never been so struck alive for a long time. Duran snorted onto my leg and I shivered, God, I almost jumped aloud because of that.

All right, I couldn't take it.

Pulling myself from the couch, I slowly made my way to the balcony door. She was busying playing with my shirt that she took no notice of me, her voice became a tad bit louder and I quickly sank into her fantasy.

'What are you thinking about these days under this blue summer sky?'

I watched her as she tugged down the collar of my shirt. I played with my hair as I got lost with her voice but my mind picked up her words mush clearer this time,

'Stretch out both of your hands and I'll give you water soon.'

'Just let go and Be Free!'

This time you will really outdo yourself.

Right now,

Let me see the real you!'

I felt my heart beat a little faster and my body shiver in a weird but comfortable sensation. She smoothed out the little creases that my shirt had,

'Right now you got to believe!

It's really simple,

All you have to do is fight and things can change'

'There is not a _thing_ that cannot be done.'

She whirled around…

Then I heard her gasp, I saw a glint a worry sparkle in her eyes. Apparently I have been caught…Finally. She backed away from me and threw a reproachful stare at me,

'How long have you been standing there?'

She pointed accusingly to me and raised an eye brow at me. I looked at her and shrugged my shoulders, her sweet voice caught my attention again; I realised it's something that I really can't get out of my head,

'Really Natsuki. You weren't suppose to hear that.'

I watched her reach down to the basket to pull up my baggy pants. She turned back to the line and hung them up. I felt Duran's fur brush across my legs; I looked down to expect so. I rubbed his muzzle and stroked his fur as he walked out onto the balcony to her. I started as I looked back at her,

'Oh? Not for me, eh?'

She stumbled back again as my question caught her, or was it simply Duran's fault that he walked between her legs. She muttered a 'Duran' under her breath and shot a look at me again,

'Natsuki, I…'

She had that look on her face again, and I raised my hands in defeat,

'Fine, fine. I'll be going back to watching television.'

She murmured something as I turned to leave the balcony door for the couch again.

Hell, there's not a _thing_ that cannot be done.

I swear I was going to watch her again the moment I sit down.

-

Sometimes I'm just dead correct.

* * *


	3. Epilogue of change

**A/N:** Put a sexy, talented Sheryl Nome with a graceful beautiful Fujino Shizuru and you're going to get to see what the hell is going on within my brain. The epilogue is up and running. Just a word of caution that this extremely long chapter is one hell of a roller coaster ride, so expect confusion everywhere. Just read it carefully and you'll get everything; there's alot of thinking to be done since everything is written to such a deep depth. The romance is still there; subtle, but there in every little aspect I had never done before. Just another note: The Shizuru and Natsuki in this story is not the normal Shiz and Nat we all know from the manga/anime so expect a lose bridge; it's set in an alternate universe. As I have stated previously that the Interlude is important as it is connected to the epilogue. Macross Frontier fans and everyone, try to picture Shizuru as Sheryl and you have a hot singer waiting for you. I had a joy writing it and I hope that everyone reading will enjoy too. Pardon me for all the mistakes, my eyes were narrowing as time passed.

Then again, I will not hinder you, till the end of the chapter,

Cheers!

* * *

I jumped.

More like a jerk in my chair. I heard a phone ring tone start to ring throughout the still atmosphere of my study. I looked around to find that it was my phone that was ringing.

Shizuru changed it for me again.

I growled before I picked it up, I still preferred the solid howl of the wolf than to some cheery happy up-beat tune. Yet it reminds me of her…Never mind that. I looked at the flashing screen of my phone. It was Reito.

I picked it up and placed it over my ear. He sounded more worried than in the afternoon. I heard him question me more than I could answer him. I saved all my files before I closed all my programs, he was still rambling on with so many questions that my mind drifted off. I shut down my computer before I pushed myself up from my chair and exited my study. I turned back to off the lights, and realised the storm cloud that hung low over the neighbourhood. I grimaced.

Reito continued on the phone, I gave him a few yes and no's' here and there, I wasn't really listening; he was repeating whatever he had said to me earlier this afternoon. I felt tired. I shuffled across the polished wooden boards of the house to our bedroom. I really wanted to sleep. He asked me something about a compilation; I assured him that I was almost done with the pictures. The bedroom door wasn't locked so I pushed the door opened quietly.

I almost tripped over Duran; I felt his long fur beneath my feet, Duran propped his ears up, stole a glance at me through the darkness and went back to a soft slumber. I padded softly across to my wardrobe and found my shirt and pants folded neatly on top of my working clothes. Reito told me something about a photo shoot tomorrow…he said that Mai was taking over. I shrugged my shoulder in response though he couldn't see me over the phone, I placed the phone over my other ear; it was getting quite difficult for me to wear on my sleep shirt. Then he asked me a question that brought me out of my ignorance to answer him properly, he was wracked with concern,

'Is she feeling better?'

I looked across the room to the bed, and walked slowly towards it. I watched her slow breathing from underneath the rumpled sheets, her brown hair was splayed out in a mess, and nonetheless it was still an oddly beautiful sight for me to see. I told him the truth when I gently settled myself onto the bed. His tone went into a lighter and smoother state,

'Ah. Thank you.'

Then we said our goodbyes and I flopped myself onto the bed.

I forgot that she was asleep, heck it, she's a heavy sleeper. I chucked my phone on the side desk and pulled the covers over my body. It didn't take long before I felt her rest against my tired form; it was just how she manages to feel my presence, I guess. Her forehead touched my neck lightly and I felt the surge of hotness from her body to mine. I pulled her closer to me and watched the dark clouds gather outside. My eyes closed with her deathly quiet breathing, and I succumbed to my tiredness.

I hope the rain will somehow wash the heat away for her.

-

I jumped.

I flinched actually. I heard the loud thunder that tore through the early morning sky, the rain was thundering down on the roof. I felt something tickle my feet and my mind functioned a second later to realise that it was Duran, his fur was getting long. I kept my eyes shut, but I could still see the bright flash that stretched across my darkness to signal the coming of the next clap of thunder. I huddled closer to the form that slept beside me, perfectly undisturbed by the storm. I gripped tightly on her smooth shirt and I felt her hand tighten around me. I eased my head to rest on her chest when I heard the next thunder clap. Her frosty scent tickled my nose, but I inhaled as much as I could. It was something that made me feel lighter than usual…something like being in a winter wonderland. She shifted her chin on my head; I secretly wondered was she awake.

I heard a low rumble in her chest and I suddenly felt my body become hot.

My fever was warming up, again.

Her arms held me in a protective embrace and I felt at peace though there was turmoil brewing inside me. My eyes opened slowly and took in her calm face, her dark hair draped over messily and I tucked it behind her ear. She murmured something incoherently and leaned in further to me. I welcomed it. Playing with a few strands of her smooth hair, I realised that my hands were getting heavy and tired. My fingers started to ache. When the next flash of lighting came and before the thunder roared, I was reeled back to a place of endless days that could be replayed.

I hope that she was able to take my fever away.

-

"You amuse me."

I looked up from my half eaten mayonnaise stuffed sandwich and cocked an eye brow at Mai. She fingered something at my face, and I brushed it off with my sleeve, Shizuru would have wiped it away for me if she was here. Yet Mai wasn't Shizuru…I'm sure she'll do it for Yuuichi though. I was going to bite back into the bread when Mai's previous statement stopped me. I looked up from my lunch and stared at her cheery face. She gave me a playful look and I slapped it away with my question,

"Amuse you?"

She closed her eyes and nodded, a mischievous smile crept onto her face; sometimes she acts just like Shizuru…just that she doesn't tease me so openly. I bit back into my bread and suffered quite a bit when I asked Mai again with all that food in my mouth,

"How do I amuse you?"

She pointed at her the side of her mouth and said that I had a smear of mayonnaise around there; I quickly wiped it and stuffed my face with the remaining bread that was in my hands, I didn't really care. I raised my eyes to her again, she gave me rueful look this time, and I stopped chewing,

"You amuse me…by the way you didn't chase after Netoru."

I forced my half chewed bread down my throat…

_Netoru? Who's that?_

Mai continued, as I chucked the paper wrap off my sandwich and threw it back into my paper bag.

"I thought that you will have his head copped off by now…but I realised that you didn't do a thing"

_Who the hell is Netoru?_

I frowned at the amount of mayonnaise in my sandwich after I bit into it. I realised that Shizuru does it much better than I; it's really an odd fact since I'm the one that likes the sauce so much.

"That really amuses me, since he had seen the first of Shizuru."

"What!?"

I choked on my next sandwich…Someone had seen the first of Shizuru? Then it smacked me on the head…now that Mai had brought that up.

_That ugly bastard._

-

I lazed in bed the whole day, Duran kept me company. I allowed him on the bed just this once, she'll snap if she found out yet I'm sure she'll forgive the both of us in a second's time. I looked at the pale beige coloured ceiling; I felt the cold towel I placed on my head drop out of place. I was too lazy to bring my hands to move it, so I didn't. It eventually dropped off. Duran licked my feet and I shivered under the covers, I breathed out a hot breath and sighed.

I hate falling sick.

I pulled myself from under the covers and readjusted the huge blue shirt that I randomly picked up from the wardrobe, I was sweating quite a bit. I realised that it was Natsuki's, it was baggy and large compared to my normal sleep attire. I could smell her frosty scent on it; it intoxicated me in no time and I flopped back onto the bed, stretching my arms out to lie on the empty spot beside me. I moved my body to her side of the bed, bringing the covers too; I curled up and breathed in once again. I grabbed the cold towel that fell off my head and placed it on the side desk, I felt unusually lazy today.

I traced small patterns on the bed spread, luring my mind to fantasies I had when I lay asleep. I felt my cheeks flush when I thought of something indecent…I was getting lonely for that to even come about. I sighed once again and looked at the digital clock that stood on the side desk. The sky was getting orange… I breathed out noisily, pushed my body up to rest against the wall and reached out to take the thermometer that rested on the wooden side desk.

I pushed it into my mouth and waited.

My mind drifted off quite fast when I looked off to the partly opened windows, Natsuki must have opened it this morning when it stopped raining. I'm sure it was cooling then; she must have wanted it to cool me down. I looked down at Duran who had realised that I had gotten up; he has grown quite a lot when I had first bought him. He was only a small puppy that Natsuki much adored. I can still remember how I teased her about how she was more attracted to him than to me. She instantly threw herself into a defence mode when she heard me. She then blushed furiously when I kissed her on the cheek and sauntered away. It was joke after all, but when night came, I realised that she didn't treat it like that at all.

I heard the beeping of the thermometer and I took it out of my mouth.

I still had a slight fever.

I placed my hand on my head and sighed. Duran got over to the side of the bed and rested his snout on the bed; his brown eyes shot me a sad look. I'm sure he misses Natsuki too. I smoothed out his fur and smiled, I was sure that she'll be back from work soon. Her Ducati was something I couldn't miss, even if I was thirteen stories above ground. The way the engine roared and how she made it even louder when she revved the engine, that was what made her so difficult not to notice. She told to me wear on my helmet when she got on the Ducati. I didn't question so I obediently placed the helmet she gave me on, luckily I did, or else I'll be a bit deaf now. I swore that she grinned when she revved the engine, I just smiled that she was enjoying herself. I seldom see her do so.

Duran leaned into my hand when I scratched the back of his ear, he gave out pant and his tail wagged. I took my hand off his fur and he whined and looked sadly at me. It was more like a pout, I presume. It was adorably cute then, so I brought my hand back down and stroked his head. I felt my cheek burn at bit when I realised Duran's whine sounded a tad bit like Natsuki. I think the fever had gotten to my head.

A drop of sweat trickled down my chest and it made her night shirt stick to my skin. It felt a bit uncomfortable, but I had to go with it, I felt really lazy to even move. The sun was setting, and I could see the darkness looming just at the edge of the dying sunlight. I looked at the clock and sighed. Duran moved away to lie on the floor beside the bed, and I leaned lazily back onto the bed.

I miss her already.

I felt her kiss my forehead and smooth out my hair before she left. I woke up to an empty spot beside me, it was still warm then, so if I had gotten up a bit earlier I would have seen her off. I hope she had brought lunch along with her, she's just as lazy as I am now; she always wants me to prepare her lunch for her. However I have the feeling that she isn't being lazy, it's the exterior that says so, but I'm sure the interior say that she loves my cooking. I'll ask her when I'm doing so.

Duran got up swiftly and his ears perked up in alarm and suddenly he bolted out of the room. I wanted to call him back but I realised that he could do what he wanted to. I didn't hear the roar of the Ducati though the atmosphere was still and humid, I shrugged it off that it was Natsuki. Then it came to me that it was probably a burglar…God…I'm not in the mood to entertain anyone.

I was too tired to even move.

I didn't hear Duran bark, so I looked intently at my bedroom door. I felt disturbingly afraid that someone like Jason the killer would pop up with an axe and kill me; it could be for he could have already lobbed off Duran's head into half when he opened the door to find our dog. Everything was so quiet that it made my mind run down so many insane possibilities… This is when solitude starts to take over…I started to shiver.

I wanted to hide underneath the cover when I heard soft footfalls approaching the bedroom. I was screaming her name in my mind; I had no voice to do so…my throat felt so empty. Then I heard the foot steps stop and the deathly tension in the air made me scream.

I screamed her name so loudly that…

That I had her running into the bedroom looking all panicked and scared. I threw my mouth open, when I realised that it was actually her that was walking towards our bedroom. She ran to the edge of the bed, her face was pale and her eyes widened in fear, she was sweating more than I was. I looked at her blankly when she held me softly and asked me questions more than I could count. She was spewing out more than I could get the message. I looked at her flushed form, her camera bag was still around her body and her dark jacket on, and she was here come to check on me first… I knew I had turned into a shade of pink.

She loved me so much.

When I reached out to stroke her face, her eyes brows knitted and she looked awfully cute when she seemed so confused. I traced her lips with my thumb and it silenced her. I grabbed onto her arms that were holding me and guided her onto the bed. Then I embraced her…

I never so loved in my life.

-

I knew she was more than fine.

She had so much strength to tickle and tease me when I was steering my Ducati down the lane. I almost crashed because of that. Her hands around my waist traced an unusual pattern on my stomach. I thought it was just for the fun of disturbing me, I let out a growl of warning and it seemed that she didn't hear it over the roar of my engine. However, I soon realised she was writing the characters of love on me. She tensed a bit when I call out to her. She stopped instantly when I pulled up to a stop at the traffic light but she continued soon after when I set off. I didn't want to ask her, I knew something was bothering her; it wasn't just the right time to ask her about it.

In the distance, Tokyo Dome at Suidobashi was brightly lit even though evening was still yet to fall. I have been sending her there for almost a week after she had recovered, a month ago. She didn't tell me what she was doing in the concert hall in the Tokyo Dome, I didn't bother to ask…I knew she'll tell me sooner or later. Reito didn't bother to tell me, Mai was out of the question; she wasn't in Japan, she had gone to the States for a joint project.

Before we left she told me that it will be the last time she needed to be sent there, she didn't say anything else after she hopped onto my Ducati. She held me tighter than usual. The spotlights threw columns of light into the darkening sky, the traffic became more dense and congested when we near Tokyo Dome. Then at this moment she called out to me over the noise, she told me that I could cut through at the small street up ahead. I did as what she suggested and it led us to a small back alley. I looked up and realised that we had arrived at the back of Tokyo Dome. I was surprised as how she came to know this place. She tugged at my riding jacket and pointed over to a small remote door.

I brought my Ducati to a halt and she gracefully slipped off. She took off her helmet and ran a hand through her hair, and then she passed me her helmet which I gave after we moved in together. I took hold of it and placed into the compartment under the backseat. Looking back at her, I saw a glimmer of loneliness hang in her eyes; she looked terribly lost and confused at that moment. She suddenly grabbed my hand and told me to go back to the front and wait at the entrance of the concert hall. I sent her confused look and asked her,

'Can't I just wait for you here?'

She gave me a weak smile and tightened her grip on my hand. Shaking her head and she told to me wait at the entrance again, adding that I would not be waiting for her. I was shocked for a second, but the look on her face sent me into compliance. I gave a quick smile when she let go of me. She turned and floated off to the remote door that looked particularly suspicious. I was reluctant to start my Ducati so I watched her, unexpectedly, as if still knowing I was still there, she turned back and blew me a kiss. In addition, she winked at me and I quickly slapped my head away. I felt my face heat up and when I slowly looked back, I caught the last glimpse of her smooth brown hair.

I turned round to head back to the main road. I was met with heavy traffic again; it seemed that everyone wanted to be here today, tonight especially. I gently edged my way through the traffic and finally after a long tiring time, I arrived at the car park. There were a lot of vehicles, even motorbikes; I had a hard time finding a parking slot. When I surfaced out of the underground car park, I was greeted with a huge, massive crowd. There were booths set up at the side and people flooding around them.

I should have brought my camera along. I've never seen such a huge crowd like this before. It was really…really…! I was speechless. I squeezed my way through the crowd and caught sight onto the different items that they bought from the booths. Some of them had paper fans with someone's face on it, banners with a name I couldn't read well due to the constant waving. There were posters on sale, light sticks, shirts, caps…and even the minor things like stamps! I was awed to find out who this person was. Sometimes my eyes set sight onto green and sometimes light brown, I gave up soon enough. I wanted to ask at first but the exuberance all around prevented me from doing so.

I lost my way when I realised I didn't know where I was heading and where the entrance she had told me to go to. Out of the blue, a hand reached out for me and dragged me out of the high-spirited crowd.

-

My chest was burning.

She had just sung the opening song and the crowd was made more lively than ever. My heart was thumping like a wild drum and I could feel cold sweat build on my face. I wasn't sure whether I could face such a huge crowd. During the rehearsals, I didn't feel this nervous, or maybe it was just that I never had seen and heard the crowd. I never had my own concert. Now that I partly have, I'm terrified. The loose shirt that I was wearing was already partly drenched with my perspiration; it was the heat and the nervousness. I was really frightened, my legs were shivering, my hands around the thin microphone trembling, my breathing irregular.

I wanted to collapse.

My eyes looked out onto the large stage through the small transparent box. She stood with confidence out there on the floor. She was only a year or two younger than me, and here I am desperately telling myself to stay calm. Would my voice stay as calm when I did during recording? This was insane. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, I shuddered; I heard the crowd roar again. One of the backstage crew came out to me and asked with concern,

'Are you ready?'

I jumped and quickly settled back to my nervous state. He looked at me curiously as I heard Megumi say a few more lines to the audience; at least she was stalling for me, I have to remember to thank her later. I took in another deep breath and exhaled slowly, and I nodded with energy. I was ready… somewhat. He acknowledged my response and motioned me to follow him. This was what I had rehearsed; I just had to stay calm. As I followed him across the dimly lit backstage to my entry area, I heard my name get announced by Megumi and the audience went wild. I knew that that would happen and it made me even more nervous. I saw Megumi whirl one round to steal a glance backstage and I knew my cue to enter on stage would be soon. I brought my hand to ghost over my chest and my fingers felt the necklace…she's here. The backstage crew pressed onto his head phones and held a hand in front of me and counted down with his fingers. I heard Megumi mention my name again and the audience response was even louder than the first… I could barely hear him say,

'You're on!'

The stage went dark and I pushed myself out onto the stage. The light sticks from all corners of the hall made the darkness in front of me bearable. The audience was clapping and chanting my name. It sounded scary in a way but I quickly grew to like it. As I quickly arrived to my required spot on stage, I felt Megumi slip behind me and in her cheery voice she whispered quietly to me,

'Change of plan.'

I wanted to turn and question her about this sudden change but she silenced me faster with her words,

'Just sing the solo.'

I stammered… The solo…what!? I wanted to follow her when I heard her run off backstage; however I was stopped as she waved a finger at me and threw me a mischievous smile. I was left in utter shock. What about the duet?! It's supposed to be! Then I heard the start of the fast bass tempo; the drummer was having such a good time, and the audience clapped along with it. I realised it matched my heartbeat. I really wanted to scream. The chanting and cheering increased in volume and I shuddered. Gripping hard onto my microphone, I trembled and I tried in vain to smooth out my voice…,

'What 'bout my star?'

The lights above me flashed and flooded the stage with life, the tempo died abruptly and the synch beat came along and the crowd jumped in vigorous exhilaration.

'What 'bout my star?'

I could hear whistles of adoration, squeal, screams, cheers and claps of excitement, the whole concert hall went crazy! The bass tempo and drums came back with the synch beats and I stretched the last line. I could hear my own voice echo like it was in the rehearsal, I could still hear the tremble, but I ignored it. I was singing now, gaining back the confidence I knew I had in front of a camera when I modelled. This was not for them… This was for… this was… I almost tripped on my own lines due to fact that I felt empty, in a confused way. The video cameras were moving along the stage below me and I faked a lively wink or two at a few. The audience's enthusiasm had yet to die, and I had started to sing along with everything,

'Baby, how do you want to pilot?

I'm already holding the handle, waiting on stand by.

Want my heart and want my love?

No!? Geez, just swing me and kiss!'

By the time I had finished the first, the hall had gone silent to listen to my voice, and the light sticks in their hands were rocking to my beat. My body had picked up the beat and began stepping to it. I raised my up to motion to the crowd; I was swinging on every step. This was going smoothly, exactly like how I was going about during the rehearsal, it was just that I had to remember that Megumi was no longer going to take the back part of this song and I needed to add back my echoing words. Nonetheless, I realised that something was still missing.

'I say 'no' in a half-hearted style…'

The guitarist had added a extra strum that it sounded exactly like it was in the recording studio… she wasn't there with me, was she?

'Point, I don't care. Dollars, how much fake?

Point, two in one,

But if it's love, then let's do it!'

I realised I didn't tell her anything.

'What 'bout my star?'

I could see most of the people standing up and waving their light sticks, some waving the towels that were made just for this concert, while I rocked my body to the beat. I blew them a quick kiss as the lights around the concert hall slowly lit up one by one. I continued on with the repeated chorus, and as my eyes scanned the huge concert hall I started on the next verse. Then everything around me stopped when I spotted her at the far entrance of the hall; her face masked in a feeling I couldn't pinpoint. Reito was waiting for her at the side and in vain of trying to find his seat; he noticed my glance and waved a polite hand at me. Apparently she had been standing like that when I had first started, I could see a weird gleam in her eyes though her body was yet to fully enter the hall. Needless to say, she looked extremely…

'Darlin', come close, will you be obedient?

No you, no life, or so I say, absolutely!

Need your heart and need your love.

Oh, your sweet kiss.'

I felt something warm grip onto me and I saw the very same spark I had seen on that day, reflect in her eyes.

I quickly looked away as I felt a blush rush across my face; she was staring like that again. That had better not be on video! This time I almost lost my tune…luckily I was stretching on the last character.

It was not like she had never seen me in a short skirt or a loose shirt that hung onto my curves and showed my abdomen, but she indeed looked like she hadn't. The pale brown high boots I was wearing was a gift from her during white day, I had expected her to give me sweets but she surprised me instead. Something warm at that moment flooded my chest. I went onto my next line and brought my gaze to her, this time I raised my fingers to my lips and blew a killer kiss to her direction.

'I all give it to you.'

The fans in front of me went into frenzy and they screamed my name in utter delight. I quickly pulled back from falling over the front stage; I could literally feel the presence of hands of fans wanting to drag me down. I danced across the stage to the other side with the beat and waved to get the crowd pushed up into another level of pleasure. I could feel her eyes trail after me and I felt she was here on stage with me. I had thought that if I turned around, I would be greeted with her presence that longed only for me. I felt a surge of passion rock throughout my body. I, myself, was getting lively,

'Three. Hey, I count down.'

I numbered three with my fingers,

'Two. Are you ready?'

I came to a standstill under the spotlight, tilted my hips and tapped two fingers at near my lips,

'One. I can't wait anymore! Let my love be heard!'

I had brought my free arm up above me and waved it down as I sung my next line; the audience roared in excitement.

'What 'bout my star?'

It was totally different as what I had felt during rehearsal. There was an addition of another element that made me sing with so much raw emotion that the crowd cheered and screamed in bliss when I joined into the second chorus followed by the ending verse. The people in front of me where hopping to the beat, waving and reaching their hands out towards me. As I got back to the centre front of the stage, I looked for her. Sadly everyone had gotten up at my presence that it blocked every inch of her.

'Let me know what you want, I would give you!

How fantastic to be with you. My love!'

I continued with that line until the music slowly died down, and the chanting of my name had increased in stead. I could hear the cheers and the continuous round of claps surround me. I looked into the bright lively audience and gave them a genuine smile; this was something that I had never before. She had seen me and heard me before, listened to my unsung song and its hidden message.

And I thought it wasn't all for her…

Now I knew…

'How fantastic to be with you…'

'My love!'

-

I felt a shiver run up my spine as I heard her last line echo throughout the hall followed soon after by a loud roar of delight from all around me. I couldn't get a glimpse of her at first as everyone around stood up to cheer. I wanted to just stand there to wait for everyone to settle, so after that I would be able to sight my eyes on her without any obstruction; however Reito pulled me away to get me to my seat.

He spoiled that moment.

Nonetheless, he gave me the whole night to enjoy something I never felt before.

I scratched my chin and laughed quietly,

_And she said it wasn't for me to hear._

-

The whole concert had lasted for almost three an a half hours had ended about hour ago, Megumi and I sang the 'suppose to be first' duet for the last encore and the audience went all out. I remembered how fast I had to change from one set of clothing to the next, I couldn't complain, Megumi had more clothes to change in and out. The audience wanted an encore and we gladly gave them what they wanted, they gave us a standing ovation in return. I had never been so happy in my life.

The concert hall had cleared when I reappeared back on stage to get my water bottle I accidentally kicked it on stage when I fumbled backstage. I walked to the spot I had last seen it only to realise that it wasn't there. I frowned while I searched for…it was something I treasured, since it was something that my late grandfather had given me when I entered university. I exhaled in frustration and ungracefully stomped backstage to find it again. The crew had already packed most of the things on stage when I came back out, I couldn't find it in the dressing room.

I asked the crew whether they had seen the bluish purple water bottle on stage; none saw what I had described. Megumi didn't see one either, with the exception that she exclaimed that she had seen it during performance…that I knew better. I placed my tired hand onto my hips and scanned the seats in front of the stage, with much hope that a fan hadn't taken it and left it alone. I had hoped too much that I realised that the seats before where clean to the bottom. This time I grimaced.

By the time the whole crew had said their goodbyes to me, which included Megumi who wished me luck, I was still yet to change out of my sticky shirt. They told they had left the dressing rooms open for me to use, and that the key was with the guard. I laid down on stage and looked up to the high ceiling; the digital clock at the side made me close my eyes, it was already one in the morning and I was yet to wash up. I realised that I was being stubborn to accept that my bottle was long gone… and it was scary when I heard my own thoughts echo out in the hall.

'You're being stubborn.'

I shot up in fright when I heard a deep voice echo in the hall. It was clear and I knew that the person wasn't using the microphone. With widened eyes, I scanned my surroundings to finally find the owner of the voice at the bottom of the front stage. My fright instantly turned into pure annoyance…

_Of all times now._

He looked from below to meet my eyes. I realised the same arrogance and pride was still lodged in his handsome face, I had always questioned why I even choose him in the first place. I threw him a look and he shrugged his shoulders. I wanted to turn but he quickly waved his hand at me and I caught the sight of my bottle firmly in his grasp. I jumped,

'That's mine!'

He looked at the bottle in his hand and back at me. He saw the same sick smile crossed his features,

'Really?'

I wanted to literally spit at him but I controlled myself not to…A Fujino was always with grace. I pull my tired self up in dissatisfaction and forced myself to turn away from him; if his hands on his bottle, he could be my guest to keep…I didn't want my ghost to come back to haunt me. His voice called out to me, unwavering; he knew my feelings too well,

'What?! You're not going to even argue?'

I headed for steps of stage; the fastest my legs could carry me, I wanted to leave him as soon as possible for I knew that all he brought, with or without his camera, was trouble. When I reached to bottom of the steps, he had come round from the front to greet me again. I really wanted to hit him, even it didn't hold the grace I was to uphold; he had been haunting me like a devil in contract. He chucked my water bottle into my hands, and then he threw the charming smile that everyone fell for. I back away slightly when he reached out to touch me,

'You were spectacular!'

_Aww, that's just great._

I flinched when his hands touched my shoulders, he continued nevertheless,

'Everyone loved you!'

_More like Megumi and I._

I pulled back and shot a fierce look at him, I held firmly onto my bottle,

'What do you want?'

It seemed that I had caught him in the unexpected turn of events, I was sure he thought I had never gone to point of being so bold with him. He was silent for quite some time that I quickly gave up on waiting for a foolish answer that I forced my way pass him, however he stopped me when he reached out to grab my arm,

'Come on Shizuru. Why have you been avoiding me?'

_Oh, avoiding? Great! This is just great!_

I yanked my arm out of his grasp and shot a finger at him; I hissed in anger,

'Avoid!? What in the world made you even come to think of that?!'

I could see through the façade he was putting up for me, if I was previously able to put up a mask that _only_ she could see through, I could easily see the difference on his. He was 'playing dumb' as he would always phrase in the studio. He hadn't realised that I have stayed clear of his game, and he continued with his sweet nonsensical talk,

'Shizuru baby, Come on, I'm serious.'

'So am I!'

It was fast that he could not keep up his façade as I saw his mask shatter at the sides, his faked sadness was breaking. I jabbed a finger into his chest,

'You're wasting my time! Now leave me alone!'

I was immediately pulled back by his firm grip that had suddenly reached out to lock onto me like a vice; I struggled against him as he breathed onto my face,

'No! Don't try!'

My eyes widened in fear and realisation struck me; what have I done to get me in this mess? While I have thought all along that it wouldn't come back to find me…

_God, this was happening all over again._

I didn't care about grace now… I slapped him with my free hand and grabbed my bottle from the other to throw it at his face, I breathed out in warning,

'Let go of me!'

I hated this…if this was to repeat all over again, I was sure to fall further this time. I tried pulling back arm but he held me down. I looked in growing fear as I watched his face come close to mine; I shuddered as he blew a hot breath into my face. I…

'Let go of me!'

'Let go of her.'

-

I tapped my mechanical pencil on against my cheek while I endured Duran's wagging tail against my leg. I looked back down onto the photo and finally placed a tick by the side, I realised I needed more photos for my upcoming compilation. I leaned back against my chair and looked out of the door; she had yet to pass the study.

The ride home was terrible quiet and unexciting. All I heard was the usual roar of my Ducati engine and the wind that warped around our bodies; she didn't bother me one bit, which was unusual. It was thirty minutes pass one when the guard came out with her. I had brought my bike to the front so that I would be able to catch sight onto them when they walked down the front steps. The sky was dark and the lights around didn't really help in lighting up the path, I thought she would be happy to see me, but all her face held was distress… a flicker of happiness was the only thing that briefly appeared in her eyes, her face was white. I thanked the guard as she walked towards me; he seemed to want to tell me something but stopped as she clung desperately onto me. He gave me a curt nod and walked back up the stairs.

She held onto me so tightly that I wondered if she realised that she could really squeeze life out of me.

She went straight to the bathroom once we arrived back. I wanted to say something but held it. Maybe she was just tired and just needed a shower before heading to bed. I had thought of going to the bathroom to talk to her, but I pulled back when I heard the stream of water run. I was sure she was very tired after last night's concert; I'll talk to her about some other time. I headed back to my study where I plopped down to finish my check list. Duran came to find me a while later.

I played with my pencil when I realised that she had been in the bathroom for quite a long time. I could still hear the faint sound of the shower…she was still in there. It was unlike her, she never took so long in the bathroom, especially when she is the one that pokes at me that if I stay in under the water for too long, I'll shrivel up like a prune. She knew her teases, and I was sure she knew her limit. I gently pushed up from my chair and I caused Duran to get up too. He gave me a long look and I ran a hand through his fur; I told him to stay.

I casually walked out of my study and glanced back to check whether Duran had listened to me, and apparently he did. He's a good boy. I walked down the corridor to the bathroom, I could see the hot steam rise from the bottom of the closed door…how long had she been in there; the hot water was still running. I touched the sides of the door and realised that it was wet…

Hell, how long has it been.

I kicked off my slippers and softly knocked on the door,

'Shizuru?'

I called her name twice, but there was no answer. I panicked…this was not funny. I quickly opened the door to allow the hot steam embrace my figure. I shut my eyes quickly as the hotness shook me, I took me quite a while to get use to the heat. When my eyes opened slowly, I heaved a breath of relief. Behind the frosted glass, I could see her form under the under water. She didn't look like my presence had made a difference. I walked up to the frosted glass and narrowed my eyes,

'Shizuru, you should get out soon.'

She didn't respond at all, she was dead still. I swallowed and hesitantly slid the frosted glass door aside; I took a cautious step in the bathing area and spoke to her again. The atmosphere was deadly,

'Shizuru? You should get out from under the water.'

Her bare back was turned towards me, her arms where by her side, her head hung low and her soaked hair clinging to her body. I watched the water run down her smooth skin and I held back a rising blush. This was not the time. I chewed on my lower lip when she didn't respond, what was wrong? I tried to kill the deathly atmosphere with what she use to tease me with, but nothing changed in the end, I was the only one laughing. I raised an eye brow, was she playing hard to get again?

God, not at such an early hour in the morning.

I gave out a heavy sigh and reached out to her. Under the hot stream of water, my hand touched her skin to pull her around to face me. I had my grin on for her to see, but I was blown back when she turned to hit me.

She hit me.

Forcefully.

She slapped my hand away and turned to hit my other approaching hand.

Her hit stung on my hands and I winced as I pulled back from the shower. I looked back up at her in disbelief, what had gotten into her? My eyes met with her eyes and I saw her sadness washed all over. I had never seen such emotion since that last time I had thought of giving up on her. I struck me like a knife and I quickly pulled back, I realised I had no where else to go as my back slammed against the wet walls.

She started to cry; I didn't know whether it was true or not.

The water was running down all over her face, I couldn't tell between the tears and the water. I was lost too; I felt my heart drop down and my jaw turn slack. Her shoulder shook as she wrapped her hands around her body.

I could her soft cries…of agony, pain, sadness, or anger…I didn't know which one had truly existed now.

The thrumming pain ran up my hand to my fingers and I felt my legs falter. This was reality and I thought everything was what I had expected so. I slid down against the wet wall and my body shivered as the water soaked through my clothes to my skin. I watched her helplessly…blankly…

Bloody hell.

I didn't know what to do.

-

I was brought back to reality.

Uneasiness struck hard onto me.

Mai laughed at me.

'What?'

My senior stared at me for a second or two and carried on laughing at me. I was confused. She carried on teasing me; I didn't know what she was using to tease me. I glanced at her from opposite me and my gaze travelled pass her to the calm ocean that lay before me. I gave out a soft sigh and leaned back onto my seat. I tugged at the edge of the thin summer towel around my waist and pulled the flimsy light jacket over my chest…I didn't know why we had to be in our two piece attire when our shoot was not going to start anytime soon.

Mai poked at me and I focussed back onto her, I've been drifting of lately. She looked at me again for a while and she went back laughing…I had no clue what was going on. My hands played with the zipper and my gaze floated off to the white sand at my feet. I curled my toes and uncurled…I was getting uneasy again, something from the back of my mind was bothering me. My ears picked up the small movement of the ice in my tea; it was oddly quiet aside from Mai cheery laughter that rang continuously. The crew was on stand by and I saw Reito with his shades standing next to Haruka in the cabin. They were talking about something again…they should really take a break. I ran my hand over my bare thigh and exhaled noisily, this was boring…and uneasy. Something was bothering me.

The sun was out, there were no clouds in sight and the beach was scorching hot. I was under shade and I could feel the heat radiating from the beach before me. I played with my zipper again and titled my head to the side to see the sudden commotion that Haruka had struck up. Mai had stopped her laughter and had too focussed on the small argument between Reito and my charge. I lowered my shades with my finger and narrowed my eyes in their direction…there was someone else there. Someone very familiar.

I was given a magazine to read. A Fuuka-Otome magazine to be precise. I was quite intrigue that the one of the assistants came up to offer something when I was left alone at the table. Mai had run off when she heard that Mikoto had arrived at the beach…and I'm jealous. I looked at the cover to realise that it was the third issue from the year before, I gave out a chuckle…it was really intriguing. I flipped the pages quickly and my eyes somehow caught a familiar colour that I adore. I stopped and flipped a few pages back. Pushing my body higher up on the beach chair looked intently at the page… It couldn't be.

'I hope that you are enjoying Maehama.'

I pulled the magazine towards my body and turned to find Reito standing behind me. I eased back onto the chair and kept a finger on the page as I closed the magazine. Running a hand through my hand I looked out to the clear ocean…a breeze was yet to come. I gave out a sigh and Reito gave out an amusing puff of breath,

'It's a once in a life time experience.'

I nodded my head and propped my head up with my free hand; I just wanted this shoot to be over and done with. It was getting too uneasy.

'Come on, this is Okinawa.'

I looked back at him and wanted to add something to his sentence but I held my tongue. I didn't like giving excuses for being so lifeless, even though it was the truth. He gave me one of his charming smiles and placed a hand on my shoulder,

'The shoot is going to start soon, please get ready.'

I gave an affirmation as he walked off with hands in his pockets. I smoothed out the summer towel and flipped back open the magazine. I could feel my cheeks flush and my chest swell in happiness as I traced the outline of her face. I knew it was a habit of hers to scratch her head absentmindedly, and I laughed it off. I gave out a smile as I looked at her. However as the seconds passed, the same uneasiness struck me like a painful needle jab that my chest cringed in utmost pain. I felt my hand tremble and I felt a familiar surge of soreness run throughout. I grimaced.

That day wasn't a good day. Today wasn't either. I frowned as I touched the necklace around my neck.

I was still crying when I reached out for her from under the shower, my mind had gained back some sense. I didn't know I had hit her repeatedly until I had felt a tinge of pain wrap my body, my eyes had cleared and I saw her in front of me on the slippery floor. Her face was pulled into confusion; her emerald eyes were blank and lifeless. Her breathing was heavy and she looked scared in a way.

_What have I done…again?_

I had fallen to my knees painfully on the wet tiles of the bathroom when I realised she didn't move to grasp me back. I was crying into my hands and the hot water that rained on my head numbed every sensation…painful, happy, sad…I couldn't feel a thing except for fear which lurked at the start of my existence. Air was getting low and I found it hard to breathe, my chest heaved in pain and I fell forward onto the floor. I was trembling and my head clogged in dread. My hair was messed over my face and now I felt the stream of hot water over my body. I felt heavy. The flow of water could be heard under me and I heard in a distance her voice that called out in total concern.

My eyes were hazed over and my form throbbed in pain.

I wanted all of this to start over again. I didn't want this fear growing within me. This fear of…

Suddenly I felt her arms around me and my body pressed up softly against her form. She looked like she had lost half of her confidence in me; her eyes no longer held the gleam and she looked as bad as a wreck. She brushed her lips of my forehead and held me a little tighter. My eyes closed and I lost conscious…yet I was sure I heard her whisper words of a blurred question; it had escaped my mind too soon.

She didn't bring the incident up after that, she apparently left it alone. However I knew whatever I had shown to her that early morning had left her miserable and lifeless. She daren't looked me in the eye and she barely made eye contact with me. I was sure she didn't know that I had left of Okinawa for a photo shoot; she wasn't there beside me when I awoke last morning. Now I feel worried. I made sure I left a note on the counter top to inform her when she came back, I would be sure it will only make her more miserable.

_So this was my uneasiness?_

I heard footsteps approaching from behind me and I reeled myself out from my reverie. Taking one last glance at her before I closed the book, I felt a pang of guilt cross my chest.

'Miss Fujino, you are required to be at the set.'

My eyes looked at the blue sky and drifted off for a second…

'Miss Fujino?'

I placed the magazine next to my unfinished tea on the table and gracefully pushed myself up from the beach chair. Running my hand through my hair again, I gave a smile at the assistant. Pulling my shades over my eyes, I motioned the assistant to lead to way and I forced myself not to look back.

_Under this blue summer sky…_

-

I was told to take off my necklace and I frowned at wardrobe master…again. I was already in a bad mood, Mai knew it all too well, so did Haruka and especially Reito. _Especially_ Reito. I unwillingly took of my necklace and passed it over to Haruka. I knew it was ungraceful of me to curse but I did so quietly under my breath…I couldn't take it, why my necklace. I placed a hand over my chest and breathed in slowly as I walked on the set to join Mai. My senior gave me an awkward smile and I breathed out calmly… I couldn't just let him have his way with me, not with all this fear growing within me.

'Why the sour-look Shizuru?'

I placed a hand on my hip and started off to Reito who stood next to Haruka at the side,

'Is he here to irritate me or…'

'Irritate? Come on baby, don't be so mean.'

I could hear a growl escape from Mai and I threw a critical stare at him. Why is he always a nuisance!? My body was washed with sudden dread and I quickly glanced at Reito and he seemed to have caught what I had meant. The uneasiness was creeping back onto me. Stepping behind Ren, I watched Reito passed a hand on the photographer's shoulder,

'Mister Netoru, I hope that you _do not_ delay this shoot.'

Reito is too polite and collected at times that it makes me feel even more uncomfortable. I watched Ren give him a smile and I caught a mischievous glint appear as he raised the camera to his face.

I am disgusted more than I fear.

'Alright baby, lets see some action.'

Mai snorted again as she came close to me as I got into my pose, I was sure she knew how I feeling at the moment.

_This terrible uneasiness._

-

I was told to tilt my hip and give a cheekier smile. I rolled my eyes and I heard Mai chuckle, I heard the shutter snap and I felt my perspiration start to trickle down my chest. Finally…reason to break. However before I could called out for a timeout, I heard a loud crash of equipment, followed by a few more. It came from behind were the crew was stationed and everyone turned to look at who had caused such a thing to happen. Even Ren was forced to lower his camera and focus more on what was happening and not 'always me'. Mai looked over my shoulder while I tried my best to catch sight on the guilty.

I caught sight of a familiar dark coloured hair and I chirped in sudden happiness. I couldn't expect so much.

'Why didn't anyone call to inform me that the shoot has started!? Furthermore, to leave me with this crazy in-human girl!'

Her low smooth voice was something I couldn't miss and I had the urge to run towards the mess she had created with the charcoaled hair girl. Mikoto jumped out from behind her and from behind me followed the same chirp of happiness. I was excited to see her…and the anxiety towered silently over me.

Wait… What was she doing in Okinawa?

She rubbed her head and looked up to find the whole crew staring at her; Mikoto had apparently run away to her brother to escape a scolding. I chuckled behind a hand as she looked guilty at the mess she had caused; she was desperately trying to clear her name. Her eyes scanned the area in front of her and amidst the fuss her eyes caught onto mine. Trepidation was building. She looked as shock as me,

'Shizuru?'

I glanced quickly at Reito and I found his jaw under strain…the commotion before the shoot, that familiar person. I snapped out of my thought when her voice caught hold onto me,

'What are you doing here? I thought Reito…'

She was walking hurriedly towards me but I realised her eyes narrowed as she neared and knew this wasn't right.

As she stopped in front of me, I had realised that she had grown. Her figure loomed over me and I somehow felt secure once again even though the situation now was tensed. The uneasiness within me was brewing like a hot pot. I cringed a little. She had her camera bag slung across her body, her hair tied up into a slim tail, her body donning the usual white shirt and baggy pants, she never looking more dashing than this, or what only I perceived as. I wanted to embrace her at the moment, but as I saw her back away slightly from me, I felt a pang of guilt wash over me. I watched her hands and my own hands felt the surge of discomfort, I bit my lip, I shouldn't have…

I felt her gaze fall onto me for a while before it moved to somewhere I knew she would let out a growl of anger. I searched her face of reason and saw anger scared all over. I trembled as her aura grew more frightening. She barked,

'What are you doing here!?'

I daren't look back. I was caught in a cross fire of words and I felt trapped like a mouse…things for me was getting from bad to worse, especially since after the concert. I heard the arrogant voice sound behind me,

'Kuga? What are _you_ doing here?'

I watched in disbelief as she backed further away from me, her anger shook me,

'I was called here for a photo shoot! I have the right to be here.'

That's why I awoke to an empty bed…she took the flight in the morning, when I took the late afternoon flight to here. But…

_If she was called here for the shoot…I would have…_

I stole a quick look at Reito; his head was shaking from side to side while Haruka was fuming at him. I wasn't informed about this; no one told me about the sudden change of photographer…no one ever said she was to be here with me! My eyes turned back to see sudden puzzlement pass her face, I heard Ren's voice ring out,

'Really? Didn't you get the memo?'

_Memo?_

I looked back and stretched my view over to where Reito stood and I watched him turn his face away in shame…So the commotion was really about…her. She had confusion written all over her face and she looked over to where I was staring at. She seemed to have caught Reito's gaze and her face was pulled in further frustration. She looked defeated in a way and I felt broken all of a sudden.

No, she couldn't just give up.

_This dread is unbearable!_

She backed further away from me, now she was at least a clear one arm's length away from me…I felt insanely lost, confused and perhaps brainless that I was the one that created this mess. I wanted to scream as she looked accusingly at me, to just go on my knees and beg for her forgiveness…her dark eyes now held something which I saw previously… blank eyes that held no more love for me. I trembled violently and I bit my onto my lower lip as she clenched her fist and hissed through her teeth, she shot a deathly glare pass me to Ren but it still made its impact on me. I looked into her eyes for amnesty but all I could read was…

'Did you know too?'

I was speechless.

She tore her eyes away from me and my heart broke that instant. I felt my chest tighten and my legs go weak, I could just collapse at the moment. The uneasiness and dread that had built inside of me cried out like the rain. My eyes watched her body turn and she ran off. I heard the crew suddenly break from cleaning up the mess as she ran pass them. From the side Reito retreated to the shade while Mai and Haruka slowly approached a lost me. I could a hear snigger came from behind me…

I felt my eyes close as arms embrace my form…I stood at the edge of my growing fear.

I always didn't know what to do.

_Welcome to my gates…_

That was what made things worse.

_My fear._

-

'Ah, I see you have a dog…'

_I can tell he doesn't like you at all._

'So… what else do you have in your house?'

I steadied my breathing and I tried to clam my nerves, but with his voice…it made it even worse. I looked at my riding jacket and I realised I've been gripping tightly onto it, the ends were creased badly. I gave out a low growl that matched the one that Duran was giving now, except that he could be seen while I wasn't. I tensed against the wall of the corridor and my ears picked up his voice again. I was wondering why I was hiding from him…wasn't he suppose to be the one to be terrified of me. I clenched my teeth together, I heard her hesitate.

Her breath hitched and I heard a falter in her voice,

'I…'

Duran increased his growl and I knew that his fangs were bared. I furrowed my brows; this bastard wasn't going to spoil a day I had perfectly planned for her. Not again was I ever going to back down from a challenge…especially if it was him. I would throw him into hell if God wasn't willingly to do so; I hadn't had much anger built within me. This newfound confidence of mine wasn't going to break under the pressure…I had taken so long and gone through so much just to get her. Hell, I wasn't going to give her up so easily. My mind cracked a little and I remember Okinawa. Then I knew that my brash behaviour was something I knew I was to have control on…it affected everyone around me. However I wasn't going to let it be my downfall, I just have to control it wisely. My hands tingled and I clenched it forcefully. Don't run head-on…don't run head-on.

Don't run head-on.

I let of a long breath and inhaled sharply.

_Let this be his downfall._

I came out from behind the corner and I walked confidently up to behind her. I saw her tense up…I had just gotten her to relax after so long since she came back from Okinawa. I tried in vain to clear the misunderstanding I had caused there…as my brash behaviour had so called for. She told me forget about it like I had with her previously…but I was sure we both couldn't forget any. She still had trepidation and dread in her eyes, it was painful for me to see that I have caused such a thing…or so I have thought.

In vain to make things a bit brighter for the both of us, I had secretly planned tonight to take her out for dinner, I didn't tell her until just when she came round to my study to ask what I wanted for dinner. I surprised her I pulled her into the bedroom and commanded playfully that she was to change into something, and I knew she had gotten the message when she leaned to kiss my nose lightly and walked to the wardrobe. I took my time to change after her, until I heard the door bell ring and her quick footsteps to the door. Then her cheery voice dropped and I immediately rushed out with my riding jacket, not until I heard his voice,

'_Oh, I happen to be around the corner. So I thought I might as well drop by to see you.'_

That was what they always said.

I noticed she had already worn on her boots that I had gotten for her and she stepped back towards me when she turned to find me already donning my riding jacket. Ren apparently did seem to notice that we were ready to get going, thick his is to say that he was on his way and happened to stop by. Hell, how did even get to know where we lived. He looked surprised for a second and then a smile smeared across his face,

'Oh, so you keep her too?'

_Was that just an insult? _

_Goddammit! Hell, it was._

She stuttered and faltered in front of me and I almost reached out to grab her as she looked like she was to fall. I cleared Duran from the front and walked in front of her to get to the door. I somehow could feel the fear emit for behind me…this uneasiness. I looked angrily at him; if he had his feet in the house, I would have gladly stepped hard on them. Lucky he hadn't taken such a daring step. Duran had continued his growl and I followed,

'What do _you_ want?'

He seemed unfazed from my anger and looked at me and flicked his hand over to my riding jacket, his eyes shone in arrogance…or should I say ignorance. His cool and collected voice steered him away from my question,

'Who are _you_ to _barge_ in someone house.'

I shot a reproachful glare at him…Don't run head-on…don't run head-on. He looked passed me and smiled at her, I heard her hitched another breath and I felt her hands tighten on my jacket. This was supposed to be a night for only her and me, and this ugly bastard… With a sick grin on his face, he sneered at me,

'Kuga, Its simple manners!'

I let a growl out through my clenched teeth and I felt her head rest against my back, her hands were gripping onto me so tightly…

_This uneasiness…again._

'You can't just go into _her_ house without telling.'

To hell of trying to stay calm! I snapped like I had a year ago in the studio, this time I had no camera to throw, but I threw my voice,

'Without telling!?'

His grin that held so much pride was yet to be erased from his face. Had I have a pistol with me, I would have blown hit head off in a fraction of a second.

_That would be a 'The End'._

She held onto me and I felt lonely somewhat…It fuelled my anger and I roared as my hands reached out to grip his collar and hauled him up,

'This is _our_ house!'

-

'Natsuki?'

She ignored me as she chucked her riding jacket onto the couch and headed for the kitchen. I reluctantly stepped out of my boots as my fear slowly faded, following her into the kitchen, Duran tagged along beside me. I pulled around the corner to find her opening the fridge; she stooped low and rummaged with the contents inside. I could somehow feel the cold air run up to me; I shivered involuntarily. I heard her grumble about something and I peered over the counter.

'Natsuki? What are you doing?'

She ignored me again. My eyes settled onto her board back and Duran who came up beside her… I gave out a soft sigh. Turning my head slowly towards the door, I felt dread rise slowly again within me and I jerked back quickly towards her. I, one way or another, knew that he was still standing in front of our door. I took in a deep breath to clear my thoughts. God, it could never be cleared. She had finally stopped her rummage and stopped all actions; Duran had gotten over to me and curled at me feet. I had expected to have her eyes settle on mine when she spoke, but I expected too much. She called out to me and I looked at her unturned head, there was still a tinge of unanticipated anger in her voice,

'You can whip up something with this right?'

I raised an eyebrow at the object that she had raised over her head.

Oh, a negi.

I thought I had used up the last of it from the last meal I had prepared. She continued to hold up a small packet of frozen chicken and a bottle of mayonnaise…I chuckled behind my hand. I almost had said a yes to her question but stopped when I realised that I still had my jacket on. I looked at her back and the ingredients within her grasp, wasn't she…?

'Aren't we going out to eat?'

She slammed the fridge door loud and hard that I jumped and Duran scampered away from my feet. I heard the contents inside the fridge rock and I tensed, looking back at her I noticed that she had finally faced me. Her clouded eyes locked with mine and with her hands she chucked the food on the counter and in front of me. She stared blankly at me and cocked her head to the side,

'Can you?'

I was quite lost when she asked me, then I had realised it was nothing related to what I had asked her previously. My hands trembled and I placed them slowly onto the counter, she was staring at them and suddenly her eyes snapped back at me. I flinched and I backed a step away from the counter; her anger was making me feel extremely uncomfortable. Her listless eyes dragged away from my face and she tapped her fingers on the counter, she asked me again, and my mind whirled…what had gotten into her?

'Can you Shizuru?'

She sounded demanding, forceful and ironically weak in a way. Her jaw tightened when I pulled my hands to my chest and looked at her in…uneasiness? She took on last glance at me and walked out from behind the counter to the hallway, my eyes trained her and I noticed she was walking away from me. I was at a lost. Weren't we to be going out for dinner? My eyes flew back to door when I heard a creak from its direction… I tensed up further as I uncertainly pulled my eyes away from the door. My heart dropped when I watched her walk into her study. I looked at the door again and then it struck me as hard as it did when I opened the door.

_Welcome back…_

I trembled violently again and my legs went weak. My stomach churned and a nasty haze crept over my skin, I felt it again. Duran had walked up to me when he took notice of my shivering; he circled around me and gave out a whimper of sympathy. I forced a weak smile at him and my hands clutched my body tighter as I felt uneasiness tower in front of me. I heard a creak from the door again and my eyes widened in fear.

It wasn't going vanish as I had thought it will…

_It will keep coming back._

This unbearable feeling of me being so apprehensive.

I shook my head vigorously and I forced myself to stand proper. My body still trembled, my hand sore and my vision blurred in paranoia; I bravely held my breath for a while and tried in vain to clear my head. I looked at the counter with the ingredients she had placed out…my jacket was still on…

I closed my eyes and exhaled. My ears picked up her rock music from her speakers in her study, and I knew who still stood at our door.

_My creation of discomfort._

-

She looked at my hand when I placed a stalk of vegetable into her bowl; she did that throughout the whole dinner. I had wanted to ask what she was looking at but I held my question when I realised the red burns weren't that invisible. The tint of pain still surged from the fingers to my hands, I held back from whimpering whenever I held my bowl up with my hand. Her eyes narrowed at me when I almost dropped my chopsticks while reaching for food, I bit my lip and I daren't look back at her. She slowly took in her food and to me…it looked like she savoured every silent second we were both resonating. It was ironic; it didn't use to be this quiet.

I had wanted to rinse my hands under water but I stopped when she came out asking me whether dinner was done. I had given her a weak smile and nodded over to the food that I had placed at the table. She gave a curt nod and headed over to the table while I looked back at my hands.

I had thought I always made sure I wouldn't burn my hands while cooking.

I frowned at the incident and I gave out a small sigh that was caught by her ears. My eyes met her when I looked back up at her; she didn't say anything but her eyes, that now had a bit more life in them, questioned my sudden sigh. I gave her another meek smile and I did a quick wash under the water before settling myself at the table to join her.

I should have just somehow left my hands under the water.

Time flew faster than usual and by the time it had gotten to my head, I was at the edge of the bed ready to sleep, however she stooped me from doing so. Again, I watched her silently as she grabbed a spare blanket from the closet and her pillow and headed to the couch. I looked on in puzzlement as she exited our bedroom. Discomfort had built up so fast that I sprinted of the bed and ran after her down the corridor and to the couch. She threw her pillow onto the couch as I neared her and in the dark I almost tripped over her riding jacket that had slipped off the couch. I was breathing hard from just a short run and I asked in utmost worry, I become aware of how my voice lacked its usual confidence and now it was soaking with the fear I had created upon for myself foolish-self. I trembled with the cold and the worry,

'Natsuki? Why…are you…?'

I didn't finish the sentence when she pulled my into a kiss and hug me fiercely, she whispered against my lips a quick good night and turned to flop down onto the couch. She had her back turned towards me…again. I stood there in shock and I could still feel her lips on mine. I looked back at her and I walked with heavy feet back to our bedroom, alone.

I stood at next to the couch and soon I crouched down and settled quietly on the cold wooden floor of our apartment. My body slummed tiredly against the edge of the couch and my eyes drifted open and close. I knew, myself, my body was physically tired but my mind filled with unrest. Our bed had gone cold without both of our presence, without her…I just couldn't sleep, I was very well aware of that unless she had personally told me that she will be joining me soon. I gave out a yawn and in the back of my head, my discomfort just disappeared. If only I could sleep forever… but I realised that that life didn't have her at all. I gave out another long yawn and I gradually turned my head to the side to eye her sleeping form. A soft snore could be heard from her figure and I smiled…it was more like a growl actually.

Duran approached me slowly as he noticed that I had appeared to sit next to the couch. It was dark but I could feel his gaze on me like she had on me when I had my back turned to her, I always wondered if she had the same feeling too. I hugged my knees and my eyes soon closed…I was yet to fall asleep as my ears still picked up the almost inaudible ticks of the clock in the kitchen. I gave out a soft sigh in the darkness

A U-turn had apparently formed in my life.

My own created discomfort was something I secretly knew would come back. Well, I was blinded by the thought of getting her only that I had totally forgotten that our sunshine wouldn't last long with something hideous that I myself had created with my desire. I gave out another long sigh in the dark and hugged my legs tighter. The uneasiness had lessened when I found the core of my trepidation. I heard her give out a gruff breath…

_I want you to look only at me…_

I grimaced… I realised I should had only saved that line for her to hear.

My body relaxed after a while and I felt my mind succumb to rest and my body gently fell to the ground. Then after that, all I felt was something warm press against my body…

_Under this blue summer sky…_

_Who did I sing for_?

-

'_Good morning, Miss Fujino.'_

_I gave the all of them a small bow as they did with me. Haruka followed with the formalities behind me and as usual, her voice couldn't be controlled. I reserved a smile and scooted over to the chair next to the panel as they took out the scores…I smiled as one who was apparently the arranger pulled out a pencil…it was going to be long day._

-

'Megumi Nakajima?'

I gave the staff a nod of affirmation and he bowed and gestured me to follow him. I was eventually led to the DVD section of HMV and down pass the J-pop section he stopped and he reached out for one of the DVD cases and politely handed it over to me. He passed me a pleasant smile as he spoke,

'We only have the DVD of her previous tour held last year. The DVD of her most recent tour hasn't come out yet.'

I looked at the cover of the case and I raised an eyebrow at the year and let out a soft 'oh'. He clasped his hand together and continued,

'We have yet to confirm when it will be released.' he pointed over to the shelves opposite us which held the CDs, 'However, we do have her singles and albums.' I followed his hand and I jumped a little as I found out that she had a whole row to herself. He passed yet another pleasant smile and gave me a bow as I said a word of thanks. He walked off professionally and I looked at the casing again…I huffed out a breath.

_A special guest eh?_

I placed back the DVD back onto the shelf and shoved my hands into my pockets. I guessed it was no use trying to find her. I had called up Reito recently to find out the recent concert Shizuru had attended. He said nothing about her being a singer, but only brought on as a special guest. I kept quiet when he ended the conversation, hell, he was always hiding things from me. I couldn't object, he had helped me so much in the past…I couldn't just allow myself to drop him away. He was after all my boss and my guardian in a way…despite the fact of giving me so many problems…that included that ugly bastard.

I took one last glance at the shelf and I made my way back to the entrance of HMV. I gave a small bow as I walked pass the staff that had helped me, he did the same formalities and gave me one last kind smile. I pushed my sling bag into a more comfortable position and I slowly made my exit, my eyes swivelled to the right when a light brown colour caught my eye…It has been my favourite colour recently…

I turned to the display window as I realised the colour was part of a poster displayed behind the glass pane. I crossed over to the front and I took in air to much for my own comfort.

I didn't expect to see her.

I narrowed my eyes at the sight and pulled up closer to the display window. I eyed the poster and I looked at the picture that held her. I almost roared in unknown sudden ecstasy when I found out that it was the exact same picture that I had taken lately for a special request by Reito. He didn't tell me why I was to take it…except that I would be notified shortly after it was used, and I didn't expect much of it since I believed it would be used in the Fuuka-Otome Magazine. I coughed a few times to stabilise myself and placed my hand onto the glass and leaned in.

Hell, she was still _drop dead gorgeous._

I exhaled a hot breath onto the glass, it fogged up in front of my face and I pressed in…I was acting like a little child again. I rubbed away my vapour with my hand and looked at the poster again. Wait, wait… Why did she have a poster here…at a music store? I looked at the huge poster again and forced myself to take a step back. I eyed the date that was printed on top… Ah, she had a nice signature. Her new single…

I wiped the stupid grin off my face.

Her new single!?

-

'_Miss Fujino, are you alright?'_

_I felt it._

_I quickly looked at the words and then back through the glass to the opposite room, Haruka gave me a confused look while the man and woman behind the control panel asked me the same question. Luckily not everyone of the crew was staring at me. I heard the arranger's words ring through the earphone covering my ears…and I felt it again, I almost missed her instruction. I was stunned for a while and my eyes moved back to the lyric sheet and then and there I felt a familiar gaze rest upon me and I sneezed…_

_Don't tell me I'm getting a cold again._

_I placed a quick cross next to the previous line and I underlined the following characters with my pencil, I passed a hand to the people opposite me, they nodded in acknowledgement and waited for me. I looked at the next line and ran the tune in my head…it almost escaped my mind again. My body had somehow quelled the discomfort and I flicked my wrist and ran a hand through my hair. I tapped the pencil against my chin and frowned as it ran in across my mind…This dread disrupts everything! How was it supposed to be sung again? I hummed a quick tune and I quickly placed a tick above a character. Then I sneezed twice._

_Haruka glanced at me, the arranger chuckled and the controller gave me a weird look , he was wracked when concern,_

'_Miss Fujino, is it too cold?'_

_My eyes quickly glanced at my attire and I gave out a soft polite no for him. Then I sneezed twice again, this time my nose itched badly. They looked at me and I gave second thoughts to my attire… I had my vest on top of my shirt and my legs…_

_Alright…about my legs…_

_I forced a smile towards them as I rubbed my thighs and assure them I was fine. I looked back at the lyric sheet and underlined the last character I was to focus on. I gave the opposite room a thumbs' up and the controller gave me a grin,_

'_Right. We'll start from line four that is just before the chorus.'_

_I nodded and shifted the earphones once more into a comfortable position. Placing a small star at the line I looked down at the rest. I rubbed the tip of my nose with my free hand and I looked back down to the score. I caught her face and I swear to heaven that I saw the star sparkle… I cleared my throat and my eyes caught an illusion of a small yellow butterfly… Suddenly my vision hazed before the music could sound and around my body, all I felt was her arms…_

_I won't sleep just yet…_

'A story closes in from afar  
And gnaws on you, deep into your bones.

I want to survive;  
I want to survive;  
I feel like I still want to live.  
By the guidance of the constellations, we gazed at each other just now.

I want to survive;  
I become at lost at what to do  
And wither away in a sparkle.  
Until I show off my serious self  
I won't sleep.

What was I born to do?  
What am I to do here?

I want to survive;  
My unburied wounds  
Feared the light.  
Our lives, which want to be allowed, attracted each other just now.

My wandering is over  
I'm next to you and I want to quell my blushing.  
Until I show off my serious self  
I won't sleep.'

I looked into the space before me and wrapped my hands around none…

'_I want to survive;  
I'm fine with being on the edge of a cliff,  
I love you.  
Our lives, which want to awaken, enticed each other just now._

_Instead of madness,  
I offer a prayer;  
I love you.  
By the guidance of the constellations…_

_I want to survive,  
I still want to live;  
I love you.  
Until I show off my serious heart;  
I won't sleep.'_

_Her arms left me._

_I let the rest of my breath run as I took my eyes of the score and stepped a foot away from the microphone. My head titled to the side and I looked uncertainly to the room opposite me. Slowly flipping my score to the front, my eyes watched the serious faces through the glass panel, they were listening to the record playback. I chewed onto my lower lip while my hands absentmindedly played with the pencil. I saw an exchange of words between all of them and I saw Haruka laugh._

_That. That was bad sign for me._

_I gave one last tug at my vest and heaved a sigh as I waited for instruction to sound through my earphones. As I readied for the instructions with the pencil, the arranger gazed at me and all of them followed; halting my actions with their happy voices, it resonated through the earphones into my ears,_

'_Thanks for the hard work!'_

_Beaming with happiness, I immediately pulled down into a bow and thanked them too, as I pulled up with a genuine smile,_

_I thought I saw her standing back there._

_My love._

-

I looked at the cover and I then flipped the magazine open. I braced myself…

'Natsuki, can you… Oh.'

I turned back to find her standing next to me and I caught a haze of fear wipe over her eyes as she stared at the magazine within my grasp; and I predicted her next move. I reached out to her before she could leave and I pulled her to me. She gave me small struggles but I kept her flushed firm against my body, she elicited a small grunt and she finally gave in to my hold. Her body was tensed against mine and I gently wrapped an arm around her form. Her legs were apparently weak as I felt her weight lean into my front, she kept silent. With my other hand, I flipped the magazine up so I had a firm grip onto the page I had wanted to face again after a year. I raised it above her head and I braced myself again when I looked at the content.

'Natsuki. Please. Stop.'

I quickly blew a column of air into her ear and she tensed up further against my figure, her hands reached to my arm and she tugged weakly at it. My eyes snapped away from the page as I had before and lowered the magazine in front of her to see. Her body became stiff in an instant and she shunned away from what was in front of her. I realised that both of us daren't look at the page before us. Suddenly her breathing became erratic and her hands really trying to peel my arm from around her. I looked down at her quietly and her words that I had heard repeatedly rang through my mind. Her eyes were closed and the colour from her faced drained, I tightened my hold around her and she stopped her resistance. Her hands dropped to the side and clutched onto my loose shirt. Humming a familiar tune to the both of us, she flinched within my arms,

'When did you…?'

Chucking the magazine back onto my table I reached back to hold her now with both. She stood quietly and I felt a slight change in her mood…it was light and somewhat… I placed a kiss on her head and she leaned into my touch. I closed my eyes as I caught a butterfly fluttering in the room…an illusion?

_It could be._

I detached a hand from around her to hold onto her hand with grasped tight onto my shirt.

'Why did you do it?'

I knew she knew what I was talking about…Her apprehension was securely built around it, it was transparent.

It took me long to realise it; her created discomfort.

She turned in my embrace to look at me guilty and I lifted my hand trace her face with my finger with a smile. I still had to assure her, a simple song wasn't enough to keep her away from falling down again. I didn't want the dread she was suffering alone to come back, since I knew, myself, that she created something to haunt just to get me. I prayed slightly and I hoped that this new earned confidence and understanding would solve something around the both of us. My brash behaviour had toned down somewhat, even though I still admit that I still rush into things head-on. Yet her song, which I had stood listening to for moreover an hour at HMV, struck me so hard that I realised that our life wasn't always to be built among the clouds. I gave her loving squeeze, and then she tightened her grip onto my shirt and leaned in to rest her head onto my shoulder. Her honey saturated voice filled my ears and I wondered silently,

Was that line really the first for only me to hear?

-

I screamed into her mouth as I shuddered and writhed beneath her in rapture. Her fingers came out me agonisingly slow that when I was lowered back from heaven, I had already longed for her presence inside me again. My arms locked around her neck were sore and my fingers that raked through her hair were pain from holding onto her tightly. Our bodies glistened in perspiration and both of out breathing fast and irregular, the sheets were crumpled again and dirtied; I have to remember to change them. Her body hovered over mine and her lips kissed the tears that had gathered at the edge of my eyes. Her eyes shone more brightly than I had remembered when she gave me this much pleasure. I softly cooed her name as she lowered her frame to rest protectively above me, in response she let out a low growl and rubbed my sides. I shivered in her touch and pressed her closer to me.

She nuzzled into my hair and brought the sheets over our bodies with her free hand. I ran a hand through her dark hair and smoothed my fingers on her skin and my mind felt lighter than usual. I relaxed as my legs around her and fell limp back onto the bed…I've been straining too much. She brushed her lips over my forehead and I tucked a lone stand behind her ear. All of sudden she reached to kiss my fingers; I jumped at when her tongue flicked over the tips of my sore fingers. Her heavy voice reeled my mind to rest,

'Does it still hurt?'

I was lost for an instance until I realised that I knew what she was referring to. She continued to kiss the edge as I gave out a smile and shook my head. Her eyes glanced down at me and I felt a surge of security wrap around my mind, yet it didn't linger long as I felt it rise within me. I shuddered violently and she tightened her hold around me.

'Do you still worry?'

I stared at her and I shuddered again…and I knew she, from this moment on, knew me inside out. Her lips were pursed together and her eye brows narrowed in somewhat concern. I felt my necklace shift around my neck and I heard her voice carry on despite my lack of response,

'Are you fighting?'

_Gripped by my created consternation._

I looked back at her face in shock and she passed a grin to me. My arm tightened around her neck and I breathed out heavily in content, which was my affirmation. I hoped she had understood that and it seemed she did as she gave out a breath of happiness. She stroked my hair and she continued to break the silence,

'Then you are still surviving…'

I gave out a smile for her and she playfully thumbed my nose. I silently knew she had assured me in her special way that she would be always there beside me. I had known it since I had finished pouring almost all my dread out for her to hear…and that she cradled me with comfort and ensured my fear something that it didn't expect. She made my stronger in someway or another. I felt lighter…much lighter.

I took notice when she kissed me lightly on the lips that she wasn't as outright as she used to be. She was now deeper in a sense that she had all of her emotions cocktailed together. I felt changed under her influencing notions and I realised that it was something that was clearing this apprehension from my mind. I was sure she felt and went through the same thing. After all we did go through the same turmoil that had each other and included a specific person that we both despised. I wanted to frown at the thought that I had created my own foreboding but her words and my song echoed through my mind and somehow…I just couldn't feel it anymore.

There was no more…

_Then it is goodbye._

I snapped in her arms and she jerked in surprise. I looked at her and strained hard on thoughts of my created discomfort, I brought images of his face into my mind and I felt none. Realisation struck me and I left my mouth agape.

_Long, long, goodbye._

-

I heard her cry softly and I realised that I hadn't gotten over my confusion. Without fear and dread, now longs her everlasting love and adoration. Then I felt a wave of warmth as my soul still existed in a half and I grinned,

Under that blue summer sky…

I knew who it was sung for.

'_Thank you.'_

I felt her hand run down above my heart and I saw the same yellow butterfly flutter in the darkness. Hell, it was another illusion, yet I believed in it.

'_Now I can sleep…'_

…_with love._

-

I gave out a yawn, a huge one indeed. It was not that I couldn't control, I was dead to the fact that I am really very tired. I had to show it, especially to him who was currently picking on the wrong set of nerves. I wasn't facing him but I could tell that he had captured my yawn that stretched across my face and it disappointed him. I held back a chuckle and swallowed in forced pity. From the side of my view I saw him lower his camera and he gave me a frown,

'Shizuru baby, are you tired?'

I gave out another yawn and cast him a look that explained my tiredness. I was too tired to try talking to him, but it seemed he wanted an answer from me…in the form of sound. I sighed as his continued,

'What did you do yesterday?'

I threw him a look that said: you really want to know? He seemed to have caught its meaning and motioned me to continue. I adjusted my ponytail and ran a hand through it; looking straight at him, I yawned tiredly,

'I had sex.'

I was lucky that Haruka didn't hear what I had just said, or I would have been blown of the set by her extremely bellowing shocked voice. I yawned again and a tear escaped my eyes. I looked blankly at him as he waited for my words to sink in hard. I had enough of running, enough of his games and I had enough of fearing about something I could dispel so easily. Yuuichi seemed to have heard what I had said to Ren and could barely control a laugh that had wanted to come out from the beginning. I passed the lighting man a smile and turned back to watch a stunned photographer. I placed my hands on my hips and gave out a soft cough; he stuttered back to life,

'That's _very_ funny Shizuru. I was not joking.'

Hey, that wasn't a joke. I almost let out a growl that Natsuki had thought me but I gave out a huff of breath. It looked like I had to personally run a lecture through his thick skull to get the message through. He gave off a forced laugh as he lifted his camera back to his face, he couldn't admit to the fact that I had sex…I laughed silently inside and threw a playful look over to him. I was mocking him and he caught it as fast as I could remember, it seemed to have taken an effect on him. He snapped,

'Shizuru baby, I'm not joking.'

I threw my arms up in exasperation,

'I really had sex!'

'WHAT!?'

This time Haruka caught it and I laughed heartily with Yuuichi. Everyone was confused. He didn't find it amusing…apparently I did, since it was the truth. I felt a tremor run up my spine and I ignored it; I wasn't going to allowed myself to fall back down.

_It was goodbye._

I tapped my chin as he stared at me with an emotion I really couldn't put a word to. It was mixed with a few, but I could see the sudden anger and shock clearly. I smiled again as I felt no apprehension.

_It was long, long goodbye._

I gave him one last playful look and walked off the set to Haruka who was fuming nearby, I should really do some damage control. As I walked pass him, I said out loudly and clearly for him to hear like how he had ridiculed Natsuki before,

'Kuga wasn't bad as you described.'

He jerked his head back at me in horror and I waved a lone hand for him to see,

'The End.'

-

My camera almost dropped onto the floor as I saw her come up to me in only her shirt.

Hell, she could at least wait for me to finish cleaning my camera!

She leaned over the table towards me and I uncertainly placed my camera back to its safety back. She traced a line at my jaw and I avoided looking down her shirt, I swallowed hard and I pushed my body back away from the table. Duran was no where to be found in my study so I presume she had him in the kitchen with something. I gulped once more and on her face, a seductive smile crossed her features. God, she wasn't as innocent as she was when she was in front of everyone. I tried to quickly get up from my chair but she had propped herself up onto my table and grabbed hard onto my collar, she tugged me with playfulness,

'Where are you going?'

Once again, I tried to not look down her shirt. However I realised I shouldn't have averted my gaze, my cheeks burned and my chest cringed in pleasure…Her smooth thighs are something I shouldn't have when she didn't have anything covering them. Hell again, my nose could bleed any second. I gave out a fake cough as she pulled me to her body. I stopped in front of her figure and I inhaled her intoxicating scent, my mind reeled with happiness. Her hand moved down to my shoulder and pulled me even closer, I breathed out in excitement,

'I'm going…to bed?'

I thought that would have spared me the chance to let go off me and get her into bed but it apparently failed. I knitted my brows in confusion as she threw me a questioning look. She breathed out slowly and it seared my face and rose the temperature to a new level; I hadn't felt like this in ages. She traced my lips and I wanted to take them, God, she was playing hard to get this time. Her melodious voice rang throughout my study and I shivered in pleasure…even when I heard her voice through a record, it could have the same effect on me. This was fantastically enriching,

'To bed? Don't you have work to do?'

I was lost at that second and she took the advantage to claim my lips and lock me in a fierce embrace. My arms prevented my body to crash her form onto my table; I forced my mouth closed the moment I felt her tongue reaching over. She pulled back instantly and hit my playfully in the chest, I leaned into her and she poked me again,

'You're definitely not the hardworking type!'

I chuckled as I realised what she had meant. Her hands ran through my hair and she pulled me closer till our noses kissed each other. I looked into her eyes and I took notice of the shine. I realised that it no longer held that dread that she had so feelingly described to me that day when I confronted her. The change…

_There were even more butterflies._

She placed a chaste kiss onto my lips and held strongly onto me…she had shown me her serious side. She had survived and now she lives…I wouldn't have known if I didn't receive the phone call from 'Reito' that afternoon. I quite shocked to find him ringing up onto me when I had specifically told him not to as I was busying trying to capture a shot I knew I had only once in my life to do so. Damn, that was the end of the race!

I picked my phone up angrily as the cheers of victory rang around me; I could have taken that finishing shot! That taught me a lesson that my boss doesn't listen to his employees all the time! Furthermore, during such events…I have to off my phone! I placed the phone to my ear and I thought I turned deaf that moment. I was expecting a calm collected Reito…but sadly I was graced by Haruka's deathly blow, she yelled at me over the phone,

'What did you do to Fujino!?'

I walked across the field to where my Ducati that was parked outside the race course. I held the phone at a good distance and I cautiously placed the phone back to my ears…I could feel the sting. I opened the compartment of my Ducati and carefully placed my camera bag in as I to answer to her question, very carefully,

'What did I do to Shizuru?'

'Yes! What did you do!?'

I swore I heard Shizuru's laughter in the background and I was even more confused. I reached over for my helmet and I leaned gently against my bike,

'I didn't do anything to…'

'DON"T TELL ME YOU DIDN"T DO ANYTHING!'

I held the phone an arms length away from me and my ears cried out in pain, I whimpered as I held my phone to my ear again,

'What did I do?'

Puzzlement arrayed before me like lights and I sighed in defeat, I didn't know what had she done to get me stuck with her manager yelling at me over the phone. I played with my keys and I heard Shizuru's voice again in the background, she sounded very much animated, yet Haruka's voice cut above everything,

'You had sex with her!'

_Oh._

_That._

I stammered like a fish without water, embarrassment flushed my face and my body shook, I was sure my face was red at the moment. I didn't know how that _information _reached Haruka but apparently it did. I knocked my head against my helmet and I cursed silently under my breath.

Damn that girl, first she takes away half of my soul and now…this.

I rubbed my neck and I stammered back into the phone, I heard Haruka snort in anger,

'Yeah… I kind of have…had sex with her.'

'What!? There is no 'kind of havesic had sex with her'! Yes or no!?'

'Yes Ma'am! I did…'

I didn't dare finish my sentence as I realised the embarrassment had reached my mouth. I heard sudden laughter in the background and I could pick up Yuuichi's distinct laugh…Hell, was I on speaker!? I cringed in further embarrassment as I heard Akane confirm that fact to everyone that I had…sex with Shizuru. I am so going to put hell onto Studio 9 and the supporting crew when I return to do studio shoots. Shaking the thought out, I gulped nosily as I heard Haruka bellow through the phone over to me,

'I swear that you just almost killed one of photographers!'

I wanted to asked who but she answered me faster than I could question,

'Netoru Ren is not happy at all.'

_Oh._

_Now this._

I heard Shizuru's sweet laughter again in the background…

_Problem solved._

She placed another kiss on my nose and she nuzzled into the crook of my neck. I trembled as she bit onto a sensitive spot at the base and she snickered like a little girl. Hell, she was going to be even more tired if she makes me get into the mood…and dammit, I was getting there. She pushed me back down onto my chair and she came to rest her legs against my shoulder, I hurriedly looked away…this was not good. She motioned me to turn my head back but I resisted to her temptation. I bit onto my lower lip when she groaned in frustration, and I didn't expect to hear,

'Look at me.'

I snapped my head to face her eyes and I saw the adoration and love she had for me. I breathed out in content as she slowly pulled herself down onto my lap, it was agonisingly slow, but it was worth her love. She held my face and she leaned into me, she breathed,

'Look at only me.'

I kissed her fingers as she teased my lips, she smiled and I felt her legs tighten around my waist,

'I only look at you and I want you to look at only me.'

It didn't sound demanding at all, and my mind was reeled out to please her. These lines she repeated to me brought back the sweetest days I had and I knew it was only to get better with our change. My heart was racing as she started to undo the top few buttons of my shirt,

'I only love the one I see and I see…'

I silenced her off with a deep kiss and I broke the kiss with a heavy breath,

'Only you.'

_For I only had photos of only you._

She had repeated the exact same words she did the night she gave me all her love, and I in return made it the effort to repeat the same loving words,

'As I love you.'

The old glow of pink washed over her cheeks, and I thought I was so long ago since I last set sight onto it. A spark ran through my body and I set fuel to my fire. My eyes gazed at her body and I sniggered. Since she had so much confidence to tell out the truth to kill her fear, I was going to take my time to kill my head-on behaviour…my way. Kuga style.

_Take it nice and slow Kuga. Real slow._

My eyes gleamed; motioning her to move back, I cupped her face, her breathing became erratic and I felt power run through my veins,

'It seems, my dear Shizuru…'

She shivered and her mouth released an uncontrollable moan, I grinned as I moved in slowly,

'…that I still have some _work_ to do.'

Then I flushed her body to mine and attacked her in a passionate kiss that fuelled love.

_It may not be the first for me to hear, but it was meant to for me. _

_Only. Me._

-

Number three in the Oricon charts; I'm impressed. Then I looked back at Natsuki, who played with Duran on the floor, and I amused myself,

'How do I sound like?'

She jerked her head back to meet my eyes and her hands stopped her play with Duran. Her emerald gazed scanned my face and she raised an eyebrow,

'Sound like?'

I chuckled behind the music magazine,

'How do I sound like when I sing? You're heard me before, don't come and tell me you haven't!'

I caught her running into Tower Records when we were out buying groceries, she told me she had something to get, I had expected her to have gotten her latest rock music, but instead she back to me with a familiar looking CD and a poster. I looked at her in amusement when I probed her about the CD she had brought, she daren't look at me in the eye and she blushed into a darker shade of red from her first. When we arrived home, I found my latest single on her desk with the poster of me she had gotten free when she purchased the CD. I felt a wave of happiness run through my body and I chirped in joy… I knew she still loved me to eternity.

I remembered she told me no picture could hold the eternity she described…I asked back in curiosity of what then could hold the eternity that she wanted. She held a smug smile and she pointed to me,

'_You.'_

I looked back at her when she gave me a guilty look to the fact I had found out long ago that she had bought my new single album. She passed me a lopsided grin and replied in earnest,

'You sound…refreshing, enriching, melodious and somewhat seductive. I mean…in a good way.'

Out of habit, she rubbed the back of her head and grinned. I stared blankly at her and I realised…was that really true or just to flatter me. She continued to play with Duran when she noticed I wouldn't be answering. I quickly looked back at the magazine,

I'm sure that's the truth.

Her words rang in my head when I remembered hands smoothing out my hair,

'_You are my eternity.'_

-

His fist grazed my cheek and I immediately leaped back. His eyes stared at me with detestation and anger and I threw back equal anger. I quickly placed my camera back into my bag and moved it to the side, he came at me again and this time I almost couldn't avoid his punch. I yelled out in confusion,

'What are you doing!? Are you attempting murder!?'

I knew I was exaggerating but his eyes carried the message of murder that I had to expel out. His hands where curled into tight fist and his eyes narrowing in more anger, he lashed out at me again and this time I was distracted by his words that I was knocked slightly onto arm. His voice carried disbelief that teetered with madness, sadness and utmost rage,

'You…'

My ears cringed as his hollered profanities at me. I ducked another punch that was aimed at my head and I ran backwards. I looked around for anyone that was from the crew, sadly they were yet to arrive…I grunted as I realised I shouldn't had made it an effort to come early. I walked into the studio earlier than the time I was suppose to report, I had sent Shizuru off to the recording studio and had a wanted to drop by Mos Burger to grab a bite but I insisted that I needed to change my sluggish attitude. Therefore I arrived at the Kanzaki building earlier than expected.

When I walked into Studio 9, I gave out a call of excuse as I pulled the door open. I was expecting the staff and crew to be setting up the equipment but I saw none but a certain photographer that looked blankly at my presence. I didn't notice him until I had taken a few steps into the Studio and had felt his penetrating glare. I gave him a curt nod and walked to my seat to place my bag down onto the floor. I looked back up to face him as I wondered why he had come, I wasn't expecting him as I had not agreed in doing a joint project with anyone for the winter shoot. As I took of my jacket, I started off at him,

'What are you doing here?'

His blue eyes darkened and his head jerked at my direction, he snapped,

'What are you doing here!?'

I placed my jacket onto the chair and proceed to take out my camera; I gave him a confused stare and grinned while I turned to attend to my camera,

'Me? I have a shoot to complete by today. What about you?'

I screwed in my lens onto my camera model and I slipped the strap over my neck and glanced back at him. His lips were pursed and his eyes narrowing with an emotion I couldn't really put a word too. A cocktail of emotions perhaps…I couldn't really tell. I gave out a mocking laugh when I realised he couldn't answer,

'You didn't receive a memo?'

He spat at me and I backed back cautiously,

'Shut up you bastard!'

I gave into a frown and I trained my eyes on him; wasn't he the bastard. I sat down onto the chair and checked the ISO of my camera and his choked voice echoed in the quiet studio,

'A person like you shouldn't be a photographer!'

'Excuse me?'

I looked in amazement at him when I heard his statement on me. He couldn't he just say a thing like that!? I clicked my camera off and crossed my arms over my chest as I scrutinised him with my gaze. He ignored it and pointed a daring finger at me and stated as if I was the only of suspect his error,

'You think you can have your way with her. You think you can make her listen to you!'

My ears twitched when he brought in Shizuru to his error,

'You manipulated her! Made her believe that you actually loved her and then you force sex onto her!'

I… Forced!? I dropped my mouth and my mind ran into the direction that he went insane. In his mind I was sure it was full of disbelief that Shizuru had fallen for me and only me. His lack of being able to accept the fact made him come up with so many assumptions that I was now the one that caused everything to topple. His image of the both of us was now blurred, his orientation with what was happening was gone…he didn't want to loss his pure and thought for innocence for the truth. I withdrew from my reverie and caught him approaching me, he garbled with words and it came out incoherently. His hands tightened at his side and then he launched at me with animating anger.

That led me to flinch in surprise and his fist grazed my cheek.

Point blank fights…Great, I should have agreed on going to Akido lessons when my mother wanted me to do. He continued shouting at me in rage and was swinging his fist with no proper direction that I was terrified that it would give me a very bad bruise if it landed on me. He caught my eyes and yelled in fury,

'You changed her!'

I was taken aback and I tripped over my own leg and he threw a punch onto my face. I blanked out for a second and my head throbbed in pain when I regained my vision. The next thing was that I had a few kicks landing onto my body that I was forced onto the ground, his fist went to my back and I doubled over in pain. I could barely make up what was happening in front of me and my attention to his action where cut short by his words,

'You raped her of her innocence.'

My face met with an awful kick and my head was thrown back; I sprawled to the ground in agony, groaning. He placed a few more whacked onto my body and I could hear his haggard breaths…his anger was getting tired…then what was his drive?

'You cheat! You toy her, take her away from me and…'

He placed a powerful kick into my chest and I cringed in pain as I felt my chest swell and pain split down,

'And… and remember Kuga! She's mine!'

I lifted my face to retort that assumption of his but I was met by his shoe and I bit my lips. Copper taste swirled in my mouth and I knew my mouth was bleeding. I felt a trickle follow down my nose and I doubled over and groaned to him as he tired to regain his breath. It seems that his self-created fury had nothing left to feed on; I could somehow put up a grin as my lips had stung,

'In the first place, she was never yours.'

My mind blanked out for another second as his fist landed onto my face and my body shoved roughly with his foot. I curled up in pain but my mind was clear as I allowed myself to see the truth. In comparison to his, my haze was long gone but his just became a lot more blur as he refuse to face the reality he always escaped. I chuckled with pain,

'She was never…'

'Shut up!'

My lips had finally split and I let out a scream of pain, his fury suddenly had fuel and he started all over again. My body felt heavy and I was barely was able to push myself up from the ground. A foot landed on my stomach I spurted out my saliva, he sounded like a broken record as he cried out to me,

'Shut up!'

He ravaged on a defenceless me and I smirked…He was worth some pity. Then luck dropped by and I was saved as the doors of the studio swung open and my blurred vision was graced by the crew. I could hear Akane and the other female staff scream out in terror as I heard strong shouts for Ren to stop his assault on me. Nevertheless, I still felt his punches and kicks onto my form and then I heard Yuuichi's voice tear the attack into a halt, and I felt no more.

I had someone run up to me and with a few other helping hands I was supported and cared for. My hazed vision caught onto a still furious Ren as he struggled to advance onto me against Kazuya and Yuuichi's hold. I forced out a grin at him despite the pain that was coursing throughout my whole body and did a gun with my fingers. Pointing it at him, I fired,

'She was never yours.'

_Bang._

-

I wondered how I was going to kiss her.

She looked at me innocently and I was compelled to touch her. I carefully ran a hand down her cheek, she flinched with my hand came into contact with her skin but she didn't pull away. Haruka was pacing up and down the meeting room where Reito on the other hand was in outside on the phone. I didn't bother to who he was talking to, or what was going through my manager's mind. Natsuki finally pulled away from my hand and leaned back into the office chair. She looked awfully dead, her eyes closed and her breathing still. I slowly reached out to take her hand and she grasped tight onto it. She didn't open her eyes to look at me, but she was kept her voice up for me to feel assured,

'Did I interrupt your recording?'

'No. Not at all.'

She released a breath of content through her bruised lips that were still partially stained with blood, and squeezed my hand and eased even more onto the chair. Haruka stopped her pacing and exited the room when she realised that Reito was done with the phone call. The room became quiet after Haruka's grumbling had gone outside, all I could hear now was my own breathing; Natsuki's breath had gone silent for quiet a long time. I played with her finger with my hands and then suddenly her hands gripped tight and she lifted her head to eye me,

'Can you sing?'

I was shocked and a little upset when she asked me that question, however I chucked the thought aside and squeezed her hands,

'Yes I _can_ sing.'

She let of a small laugh and I saw her cringe in pain as I knew her chest ached from the blows she had received previously. She slowly pushed her body up on the chair and leaned over to me carefully and on her bruised face she gave me one of her lopsided grins,

'Can you sing for me?'

I looked at her in the silence and she looked back me with a warm smile that brought back the same glow of pink onto my cheeks. Some things just don't change. I felt her hold tighten over my fingers and pulled myself closer to her. Her red face was scared with bruises and painful bumps…and I realised she still fought on silently for me. I dethatched my hand from her hold and wrapped them around her neck. Pulling her into my embrace, I blew a warm breath into her ear and she completely gave into me.

Parting my lips, I sang.

A song for only her to hear.

_Now no longer underneath the blue summer sky._

-

MY knuckles hurt quiet a bit as I pulled my fist back from his face. He toppled onto the ground and I turned to exit the door. He seethed in hatred and I waved a lingering hand to him,

'That was The End.'

_There was no more: to be continued._

-

It snowed in Tokyo again.

It was such a long time ago when it snowed in the capital. I blew a long hot breath into my gloved hands and I trained my eyes onto the crystals that fluttered down gracefully. I waited patiently at the steps of the building for my ride to come along. Takumi had called earlier to inform me that he was going to be little late as he had to finish with some paper work at office. I adjusted my scarf and I blew another long breath into my hands. The guard glanced at me and gave me curt nod as I passed him a smile. Smoothing out my jacket, my ears picked up a familiar groan that I knew I couldn't miss to easily. I turned my head to find Natsuki mumbling into her phone, and she gave a nod of acknowledgement to me when she found me looking at her. By the time she had reached me, she had placed her phone back into her pocket and had thrown her coat over her shoulders. She scanned my form and slapped my on the back as she walked pass me, I stumbled inelegantly,

'What was that for!?'

She spared a glance to my direction as she headed to the vending machine nearby, she slotted in coins and punched onto the can drink she wanted. She bent down onto to retrieve her can and I saw the slight bruising she still had on her face. I cringe as I remembered what had been told to me by Yuuichi and Reito, the photographer seriously had a problem. She walked back up to me, grinning, and nudged me in the arm,

'Oh nothing really. It was out of happiness.'

Out of happiness, my feet can laugh. She didn't really look happy, or was it that I couldn't simply pick out the tiniest amount of happiness she radiated. I gave out a weak strangled laugh as she stood by me and waited. I wondered who she was waiting for until I heard a clear melodious Kyoto accent ring behind me and I saw Shizuru running out towards us. I stared at the dark haired female, who was currently warming up her hands with the can of coffee; I had remembered before that they always waited for each other, but now?

'You don't wait for her?'

She threw me a amused look and she finally plucked the can open,

'We've changed.'

The Kyoto beauty arrived in front of us with her jacket on, she grasp tight onto her slim bag while her other hand went securely into Natsuki's grasp. She acknowledged me gracefully and she asked me with her enriching voice,

'Are you waiting for someone?'

I passed her a smile looked at my watch,

'Yes, my brother is coming soon to take me home.'

Natsuki continued with her drink as Shizuru took in my answer. Awkwardly, Natsuki's low voice called out to no one in particular, until I realised it was for Shizuru,

'Are you ready?'

I had wanted to ask why Natsuki wasn't on her Ducati to send them both back. Then it struck me that I had almost forgotten that Natsuki had sent her Ducati for repair and that they had to taken the train back to their house. I watched the brown haired individual nod her head at the photographer and I accepted her small bow to me as Natsuki on the other hand gave me a nod. I looked in awe as I watched the two walk off in the distance. The snow had gotten a little bit heavier; however it was still light snowfall. My eyes caught onto the beauty nuzzling into the photographer as they continued down. My mind wandered off as I watched the winter wonderland form in front of me; I breathed another long breath into my hands. Before they rounded the corner, in the distance I saw my brother's car drive through the entrance and I had Natsuki's words ringing through my head and I smiled and spoke to no one in particular.

-

Under that blue summer sky…

* * *

**A/N:** This is not the end yet, or is it? This epilogue is titled 'Epilogue of change' for the simple fact that not every relationship can always stay linear. Everything has its ups' and downs and so does their relationship. Shizuru in this story fights the fear she had created when she used Ren as an excuse to get Natsuki to desire her even more and how she realises from the inside what she is truly fighting for. Natsuki, on the other hand as I have portrayed with her undying love for Shizuru, realises that she has to face the fact that things are not always going to stay at what she thought it will always be. I feel terrible that everyone is full of confusion at the current moment...since it was quite a roller coaster ride, I do express my deepest apologies for any misunderstanding caused here or there. If one would like to further question as I have not explained myself, is most welcome to drop a message or two.

**For the info:** The two songs in the fic is from Macross Frontier and sung by Sheryl Nome starring May'n. Their both great songs, the first titled: What 'bout my star, the second: Lion. The song 'Lion' made its single's debut and topped the Oricon charts of Japan at number three. I had wanted to type the lyrics out in Romanji Japanese but I realised that I would still need to translate it. I had based Shizuru's voice on Sheryl's singing voice, so pradon me if it didn't carry the Kyoto accent. I realised that some models, like Crystal Kay, a Japanese model, can do both singing and modelling. So I used that line as my original foundation for Shizuru. Tokyo Dome in Suidobashi is spectacular! Megumi in the concert is the nickname of one of the singer's in Macross Frontier, who is also known as Nakajima Ai. HMV and Tower Records are famous music stores in Japan, I went to both, but the impression of the HMV staff hepling me to find a CD remained imprinted into my mind when I went there previously. In the interlude, I forgot to state that the song I used, it is from Do as Infinity, titled: BE FREE.

There's an illustation at j-crusader. deviantart. com/art/A-song-sung-for-97461290 if anyone wants to see Shizuru's single cover.

Then again, when everyone has gotten the change,

Cheers!


End file.
